Did you hear the one about John McCain?

The one where he quipped: "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."

Classic. Absolutely classic.

Click here!

Sox honored by Dubya...

Last Night's Dinner: Roasted Chickens

The NBA...

After ignoring the NBA in favor of college and pro football, we have gotten plugged back into the roundball the past three weeks. And what do we think? Well, never has the West looked so stacked...and never has the East look so meek. In the spirit of worst is first, we will start with the right coast.

Two Teams and Only Two!

The Eastern Conference teams should just end the season now and start scouting the college kids for June's draft. Well, all the teams except for the Celtics and Pistons, of course. Seriously...who else is out there that has even a remote chance to win even a single game in the NBA Finals? LeBron James ain't getting the Cavaliers a return trip to the finals. And Cleveland's recent trade (giving up Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden for Wally Szczerbiak, Ben Wallace, Delonte West and Joe Smith) won't improve their chances much either. Wally Zee has now been on, like, 12 teams and routinely gets injured during pre game introductions. Big Ben still looks Tarzan but now goes through droughts where he plays like Jane. West and Smith are a dime a dozen around The League. It says here that the trade was made so management can go to King James and say, "Look -- we made a move to try to help you. Now, please (puh-lease!) don't opt out after next season and leave us for the Knicks or Lakers."

No, the Cavs are not even on the radar. Only these two teams are:

1. Detroit Pistons -- A week ago, we were ready to anoint the East to the Celtics. But then Boston actually played some real teams and got pistol whipped three straight times. All the Pistons did was go into Phoenix and shred the Suns by about 60 points. What do they have the Boston doesn't? Playoff experience and Chauncey Billups.

2. Boston Celtics -- Honestly, we would be able to cheer for them if they only got rid of our Old Friend Paul Pierce. Alas, we digress. As good as their record is, several things bother us about them. Their bench is a bench of one -- James Posey. Fat-Short-Guy, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, Big Baby Davis (all 6-foot-6-and-one-half of him) is not helping them come April. Eddie House? All he does is take minutes away from Rajon Rondo, who we freely admit to being wrong on. Tony Allen? Offensive foul waiting to happen. So who does that leave? Oh yes, can't forget about Scal...Brian Scalabrine. As such, Doc Rivers has been playing his first five some major minutes. Will Ray Allen still be standing in the spring? And if so, will he have the legs for his jump shots? It seems inevitable that Sam (I am) Cassell will join the team in 10 days...and yes that will help. But does anyone really think that a tag team of Rondo and Cassell will be able to check Chauncey Billups for a seven game series? The answer to that question begins with N and ends with O. Finally, when did Kevin Garnett abandon the post and become a jump shooter? It seems like he spends more and more time on the perimeter and less time on the blocks.

2Pac was Right: The West is the Best!

Want some perspective? If the playoffs started today, the Denver Nuggets would not be playing. This, despite the fact they are 11 games over .500 at 33-22. That 33-22 record would make them the THIRD SEED IN THE LEAST, errrrr, EAST! It's hard to rank who is the best, but here goes:

1. Los Angeles Lakers -- With one move, the Lakers went from being a team likely to lose in the first round to a team that is now favored to win it all in June. Kobe went from being a disgruntled employee to a motivated and focused player who could well win the league's MVP award. Pau Gasol for the expiring contract of the immortal Kwame Brown? Jerry West is sitting in West Virginia laughing while Red Auerbach is in heaven (or perhaps hell?) cursing. Gasol changes everything for the Lakers. Kobe can actually focus (albeit for short periods of time) on passing and defending. Lamar Odom becomes perhaps the best third option in the history of the game. Luke Walton and Andrew Bynam slide down the food chain to complimentary players. Does any other team have two "comp players" the ilk of Walton and Bynam? Plus, Phil Jackson is now dialed in on breaking Auerbach's record for most titles won. As long as Kobe's injured finger doesn't fall off, LA is primed to return to its glory days.

2. San Antonio Spurs -- They don't have a lot of trendy players. They don't make a lot of headlines. Yet, is anyone counting out the Spurs? As long as Tim Duncan is breathing, they are a team to fear. A healthy Tony Parker gets them a date with Kobe.

3. Phoenix Suns -- Last week, they lost a close one to the Lakers and then got their heads kicked in by the Lakers. On paper, they should almost be unbeatable. But outside of Steve Nash, they have BIG question marks. Is Amare Stoudamire mature enough to be the go-to guy? Will Shaq bring anything to the table offensively? Can Grant Hill be a defensive stopper? Can Raja Bell give them points from the perimeter? Finally, there are close to 400 players in the NBA. We would have to say that over 300 of them are better than Boris Diaw. In fact, you are probably better than Monsieur Diaw.

4 - 8 The Rest (i.e. New Orleans Hornets, Utah Jazz, Dallas Mavericks, Houston Rockets, Golden State Warriors) -- They all have sparkling records. And if you put them in the East, they would all make things at least interesting for Detroit and Boston. One of them may be able to knock off the Suns, but none of them are equipped to topple the Lakers or Spurs.

The Trophy has Arrived!

The result of going 11-2 in the College Football Bowl Pool...

Click Here...(And turn on speakers!)

Grilling in a Snow Storm...

300th Post: Tyra Yells at Britney

Friday x 10

Peter Vecsey on Shaq's Phoenix debut!

Hoops Weiss on Indiana's Kelvin Sampson!

Will the Hoosiers boycott games if, errr, when Sampson gets fired?!?

The Dom joins the Patriots! (And we talked to him yesterday at the Patriots Pro Shop!)

J-Lo gives birth! (Wait...who really cares?!?)

You mean Rocket lied?!? Shocking!

OU football regains 8 victories!

NFL Mock Draft! (Chris Long?!?)

McCain rumors help him?!?

Oil up over $100 -- now what?!?

The Doctah...

Idol, errrrrr, Idle Thoughts...

1. Britney looked better as a blonde.

2. Things in college sports are so much better when coaches tick each other off. So Coach Roy calling out Coach K is a good thing. Very good, in fact.

3. Seriously, how dumb must Kelvin Sampson be?

4. NBA All-Star Weekend is great, but the fact that the actual game was played at 8:30 P.M. was bad. Memo to David Stern: Show some onions and schedule it so my kids can watch at least part of it. Would it really kill the commish to start the game at 6:30? Or even 7?

5. I will watch any college game that is announced by Sean McDonough, Bill Raftry and Jay Bilas.

6. My kids have official basketball cards of themselves. And my one thought is: Why didn't they have that when I was a kid?

7. My middle name is GOP, but I will be OK if Osama Obama moves into the White House. But, I simply can't stomach Billary. However, if McCain will swallow his pride and put Mitt on the ticket, no one will have to worry about Osama Obama, now will they?!?

8. Yes, I do watch Lipstick Jungle.

9. So, Coach Cal is giving all the credit to the "Dribble-Drive Motion" offense? I watch his Memphis team and think of what Coach Bo asked Mr. Kotter Gabe Kaplan in the movie Fast Break: "What'd ya do -- empty the ghetto?"

10. Blu-ray is now crushing HD-DVD. Don't say I didn't warn you of this months ago.

Best Baseball Prank Ever?!?

What we're reading...

k

We've breezed through the first 100 (or so) pages. A good read that focuses not just on Telfair, but also the sleezy business that has become BIG TIME high school basketball.

The benefit of the Phillies signing Kris Benson!

Kris Benson...

Kris Benson's wife, Anna...

Friday Night Dinner = Pulled Pork Sandwiches

Valentine's Night...

As the Mancation nears its end, it was Prime Rib for one,

followed by opening up a shipment of books from Barnes & Noble.

Happy Valentine's Day

Back to work...On antibiotics...Watching Enemy of the State on Blu-Ray!

Still Home Sick...Do Not Disturb, II

Spare Ribs: Last night's dinner

Home Sick...Do Not Disturb...

Watched Jaws on DVD today. Easily one of the 10 greatest films of all-time.

Training Day...

"A good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood."

Flu like symptoms & Jim Walsh

How come you never hear a professional athlete say he has a cold? It's always, "So and so is suffering from flu like symptoms." Every single time. Anyway, I have been suffering from flu like symptoms for a few days. I sequestered myself from my family the past 72 hours to help ensure they could enjoy their vacation in Naples, Florida free from the aforementioned flu like symptoms.

Anyway, they left yesterday (though they actually landed in Naples today), so I am free to roam the house. I slept in and skipped the treadmill (my doctor told me my body needs total rest), getting up at 8:15. Given the fact my day normally starts at 4:45, sleeping in past 8 was a weird feeling. I talked to my family, who were waiting to board the plane, showered, stopped for coffee and did some grocery shopping. I came home and spent 15 minutes getting rid of the snowy driveway and then made breakfast. (See: Mancation Day 1 Breakfast.)

At 11 AM, I set up shop on the couch. Blackberry, brand new black leather Mancation Journal, clicker and a diet Mountain Dew. Four the next four hours I cleared out some space on the DVR, watching four episodes of Beverly Hills 90210. They were classic ones -- the first season of the summer episodes.

1st one: Brenda, having endured a pregnancy scare, decides to break up with Dylan while listening to "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M. A classic scene now neatly spliced and archived on my DVR.

2nd one: Not only does Dylan have to go on without Brenda, but now his father has been arrested on money fraud charges. As the Walsh family watches the news on TV, Jim Walsh (the single greatest TV father ever) mumbles under his breath to wife Joan Cleaver Cindy, "Smartest thing she ever did was break up with that guy."

3rd one: In this one, Jim lectures Brandon on the value of hard work and the temptation of easy money. "There's no free lunch. You get what you pay for in this world."

4th one: Dylan, still coping with no Brenda and no dad, decides to go surfing in rough waves. Boy scout Brandon attempts to intercede, leading to this classic exchange:

Brandon: "You gonna be dangling later? You alright?"

Dylan (with scarred eyebrow, hoop earring and cool dude stare): "You kiddin'? Surf's up."

(Is it any wonder why I still love this show?!?)

Later, after the Walshes let the injured Dylan stay at their house, Jim catches Dylan and Brenda making out on the couch (apparently the break up is over). After giving Dylan the boot, Jim says to Brenda, "There's a right way and a wrong way to do things."

Amen to that, my brutha.

Mancation Day 1 Breakfast

Fried Eggs, Kielbasa, American Cheese on Whole Wheat English Muffins

Mancation Begins...

It's 4:51 PM. It's snowing. The Mancation has officially begun!

Follow College Football?!?

Then you have to read this! It's classic!

Cinco!

Dr. Z rates the NFL broadcasting teams! (Great stuff!)

Peter Vecsey goes thumbs down on Shaq trade!

Rocket's wife took HGH?!?

Where Mitt went wrong!

Is McCain a "virtual Democrat"?!?

Chicken Thighs on the Grill

(Marinated in Italian dressing.)

k

Homemade Pretzels

All Things Patriots!

Wallace Matthews, New York Newsday: "...he took the walk that true losers take, the walk of shame, off the field and up the tunnel and out of any claim he once may have had to a sense of dignity or honor or sportsmanship."

George Willis, New York Post: "It's reasonable to assume if Belichick was filming signals during the first game of the season it's something he felt comfortable with, and you only gain comfort through repetition."

Bob Raissman, New York Daily News: "In the real world, Belichick's exit is a non-issue."

Tim Smith, New York Daily News: "Maybe we should forgive Belichick for heading to the locker room before the game was over. He didn't get any practice losing this season - until last night...Maybe Belichick had taken a lesson from the Receiver, Moss, who once left a game before the final gun with Minnesota."

Armando Salguero, Miami Herald: "The Patriots that returned home Monday merely 18-1 after losing to the Giants will continue to be a good team. They will continue to be a playoff-caliber club as long as Tom Brady is their quarterback and Bill Belichick, regardless of his record as a cheater, is their coach...But champions? Or even an undisputed AFC power? No way, because too much bad news is coming...The truth is New England's offseason promises to be more challenging than those final two minutes that lost them the Super Bowl."

Tom E. Curran, NBCSports.com: Belichick's legacy? It changed a little. He's still as good as any coach has ever been - Lombardi, Walsh, Noll - but the Patriots got outschemed and outexecuted on Sunday. In the biggest game of his life, his team didn't do what it has done 99.9 percent of the time. He takes a hit for that.

Ten (less than) Super Thoughts

1. Until the final half of the fourth quarter, the Super Bowl was a total snooze fest. It was the Giants making silly mistakes and the Patriots being feeble on offense. And Fox didn't give us any analysis at all to liven things up. The minute there was a change of possession, BOOM!, we were quickly sent to three minutes of commercials.

2. Despite the lack of time allowed to provide commentary and analysis, the Fox crew proved yet again it is far superior to the CBS first team of Jim Nantz and Phil Simms. Yes, Fox went a bit overboard in talking about the Giants (not a surprise because Fox carries the NFC games), but given the historical implications of the game, did we expect them not to spend a lot of time on the Giants' efforts? But Troy Aikman is easier on the ears than Simms. And Joe Buck uses him better than Nantz uses Simms. And we always have the feeling that everything Nantz does is simply a way for him to pass the time until he gets to Sunday afternoon at The Masters.

3. The Fox exception is Pam Oliver. She is a total waste of time. Let's face it -- the female sideline reporter is there to look good and/or provide good info. Unfortunately, Pam fails to deliver the goods for either category.

4. We said it for months to anyone who would listen. Richard Seymour was stealing money this year. He was a non-factor, yet again, all game yesterday. And did Ty Warren even play yesterday? Seriously, does anyone remember seeing him? And it was contagious, as even Mike Vrabel was a non-factor and big play corner Asante Samuel dropped a game clinching pick on the last drive.

5. And we know that the Patriots O-line are great guys. And they have that facial hair thing going. And Tom Brady loves 'em to death. But, man, they got their asses kicked and kicked hard yesterday. Seriously, if Matt Light had any stones, he would announce he is not going to next week's Pro Bowl. He was abysmal. Absolutely abysmal. And, as usual, the right side of the line (Stephen Neal/Nick Kaczur) was a literal turnstile.

6. And what about Boy Genius Josh McDaniel? A month ago, he was the next Jon Gruden -- a guy with an offense so dynamic he was destined to be a head coach at the age of, like, 12. Yes, we know the O-line was getting pushed around like school girls. And you can only run that slip screen to Wes Welker so many times, but couldn't Boy Genius have come up with something to off-set the pressure the Giants were bringing on every play?

7. Speaking of geniuses -- let's move on to Coach Bill. If your child left a game he was about to lose with one second left, would you not force him to get back on the field/court/diamond to take the loss like a man? If we were coaching and anyone left the field in that situation, we would call time-out and haul their asses back out there. Shouldn't the same be expected from Coach Bill? We love the guy. Love how he does exactly what he wants (being grumpy with the media, wearing the drab gray hoodie, refusing to be best friends with opposing coaches, etc), but yesterday's departure before the game ended crossed the line. He acted like a big baby.

8. Speaking of the hoodie, that thing he wore yesterday was hideous. Too bright, too small and too heavy in the humid indoor stadium.

9. Did the hoodie nuke his brain cells? Why in the world would Coach Bill go for it on 4th and 13, instead of kicking a 48-yard field goal? Yes, that's a long kick. But given the lack of pocket time Brady had, did he really think QB12 would convert a pass for a first down?

10. We are guessing Brady was injured more than he let on. The few times he had time to set up, his throws were often off the mark and simply un-Brady-like. To his credit, he will never admit to it publicly -- but he had to be playing at less than full strength.

{{{Super Bowl Update}}} Part V -- Final Prediction

Patriots 31

Giants 23

{{{Super Bowl Update}}} Part IV

Pre-game Food Spread

k

{{{Super Bowl Update}}} Part III

PlayStation3 Super Bowl

New England Patriots (6-yr old son) 47

New York Giants (Pit Master) 30

{{{Super Bowl Update}}} Part II

sjhjr24 tipped us off on this one. Frigging classic.

You will never look at Chris Berman the same way again!

k

(For adults only...)

{{{Super Bowl Update}}}

Got this from deadspin.com.

Guess FedEx is tired of its workers being hung like the devil after the Big Game!

Sunday Morning Breakfast Links

Mike Lupica on Congress and Spygate: "...now the government, in the person of a tough old bird named Sen. Arlen Specter, is making noises about wanting to get involved in this, get in Roger Goodell's business and Bill Belichick's business, and anybody else who knew anything about what sounds like a video system that would make Vegas envious."
k
Want to play Whack a Patriot?!?

Have money in the Stock Market? Cheer for the Giants!

Rick Gosselin on a Pats' Super Bowl Victory today: "...don't assume the best of the unbeatens translates into the best team of all time."

Peter Vecsey on the Lakers getting Pau Gasol: "Wilt, Kareem, Magic, Jamaal Wilkes, James Worthy, Shaq and Kobe all became Lakers as a consequence of poor or pressured decisions by competing executives. Pau Gasol has joined that glitzy group."

How to keep your brain fit!

NY Times on the writers' strike: "Informal talks between representatives of Hollywood’s striking writers and production companies have eliminated the major roadblocks to a new contract, which could lead to a tentative agreement as early as next week..."

Why Google doesn't care if Microsoft buys Yahoo!

My name is not Spergon Wynn

Who were the six QBs taken ahead of Tom Brady?!?

Andrew 22

We are starting a new column here at The Pit Master. It is a blatant rip-off of (1) Pat Forde's "40 Yard Dash" column that he pens during the college football season. But, of course, our version comes with a twist. Instead of 40 things pertaining to college football (Forde's runs the gamut from coaches and players to cheerleaders and college bars), ours is 22 things pertaining to...well, whatever is on our mind at the time. As for the name of the column? Keep reading and you will find out.

It's kind of embarrassing that as a father/husband in his 30s (at least for a few more months), we find anything related to (2) Britney Spears to be utterly fascinating and quite entertaining. Trailer park mom, divorced (and drunk) dad, millions of dead presidents raked in before Britney was even legal. Several failed marriages, baby sis (3) Jamie Lynne gets knocked up. I mean. What's not to like? Why do people watch the news? Hint: It's not because of the feel good stories.

Andrew 22 and our son were watching the Knicks - Celtics game on MLK Day and immediately noticed how FAT the Knicks are. (4) Eddie Curry, (5) Quinton Richardson and (6) Zach Randolph are collectively 200 pounds overweight. Easily. At least Curry and Randolph are 6'9" and 6'11", respectively. Q is generously listed 6'5" -- which means he is really about 6'4". Good Gawd, man, mix in some salads and walk away from the dessert tray. It evokes memories of Our Guy (7) Peter Vecsey coining the nickname Dinner Bell Mel for roly-poly (8) Mel Turpin back in the mid '80s.

Speaking of fat, this blog has always enjoyed poking fun at Boston Celtics star (9) Paul Pierce for being a donut shy of obesity. Andrew 22 will say this about Pierce, the 2008 version: He has lost a few lbs since last season. And we will admit he is a big guy (not tall, mind you). Still, the Softball Guy who goes three bills (and laughs about it)? He has more muscle tone than Pee-Pee. Seriously, what's Pee-Pee's body fat percentage? It must be something disgusting like 70 percent. Or 95.

Man, this writers strike is starting to be a real drag. It's deprived us of (10) 24. And interrupted (11) The Office and (12) Gossip Girl. Thank goodness for (13) The Food Network, (14) John Black coming back to Days of Our Lives, and reruns of (14) Friends and The Office (on TBS).

Back in the day, when we ran (15) The Collegiate Press Box, we used to line up people we loathed and print stuff like we wanted to "punch them in the face" or "throw them under the bus." Now that we are (allegedly) more mature, we will say there are people we want to "crack-back block on." First up in our inaugural Andrew 22 column: Dr. Fat, errrrrr, (16) Dr. Phil. First, he gravy-trained (© (17) Jim Rome) off Oh-Pee, errrrrr, (18) Oprah. Now he thinks he is the shrink for the country. (Witness him throwing himself on Our Gal Brit.)

For Christmas, we received a couple of gift cards to i-Tunes. Having never downloaded songs from there, we were quite curious about the process. We quickly discovered that basically every song ever created was at our fingertips to download quickly and easily. Man, it brought back the dreamy year that (19) Napster was all the rage. We used to sit in the basement and download 25 songs a night. And it was, wait for it............free! All of it.

Andrew 22's 6-yr old son has already decided that when he "grows up", he will be playing college football at Michigan. And, of course, his old man is down with that. But somehow, we would not mind (at all) him playing for (20) Coach Pete at SC.

Speaking of college football, less than six weeks until (21) spring practice. Which means fall is almost around the corner.

"And it was good..."

Finally, none other than Larry Bird himself described (22) Andrew Toney as the best offensive player he ever played against. Well, other than Michael Jordan, of course.