Sunday Morning: 1st & 10

Ten things from yesterday's college football games:

1. As we told you last week, the ACC is simply an AWFUL football conference. Virginia Tech and Clemson, two of its unthinkable (or is it unwatchable?) three top 25 teams, got waxed on the opening Saturday. Only Wake Forest, playing mighty Baylor, managed to win. Furthermore, NC State got crushed at South Carolina Thursday night. And Maryland, playing at home, barely defeated I-AA Delaware. Seriously, we are starting to think the MAC may play better ball than the ACC.

2. Even if they do somehow win the Girls Intramural League ACC, Clemson needs to cut bait with coach Tommy Bowden after the season. Anyone who picked the Tigers over Alabama last night was just plain D-U-M-B. Not because they have bad players, but because Bowden is the coach. He is nice enough, and everyone loves his old man, Bobby, but he is simply in over his head. Take a look at him on the sideline. What, exactly, does he do to inspire his players?!? Um, that would be...wait for it...NOTHING. (Nothing!) Nick Saban strikes the fear of devil in his kids. Not coincidentally, his Alabama team kicked the crap out of Bowden's team, 34-10. By the way, maybe Bowden will call you today. Surely, you are better than anyone on his offensive line.

3. Memo to all: Michael Vick no longer plays for Vah Tek. In fact, he is in the hole. The last time the Hokies were any good was when Vick (and we don't mean Marcus) played for them. Back then (way back then), they were a feel good story. Good defense. Very good special teams. And Vick bailed them out offensively with his Freak Athleticism. But for the last eight years, they have been abysmal on offense and people still rank them in the top 20 every year. Listen up: They are (and have been for quite some time) an average D-1 team. And there's nothing wrong with that -- unless of course the free world keeps treating them like a top 20 power.

4. Back to the MAC. Because the game was at home, we figured Pitt would be able to get by Bowling Green. Alas, they did not -- falling 27-17. Unless coach Dave Wannstedt can get the Panthers to a bowl game (any bowl game!), he will be fired by Thanksgiving.

5. Michigan losing in the Big House to Utah showed two things: 1. Coach Rich Rodriguez really, really, needed to get Terrelle Pryor to sign with the Wolverines last winter. His size and athleticism (on display in yesterday's Ohio State win against Youngstown State -- alma mater of Jaws Jaworski) would have been enough for the Maize and Blue to have gotten the W yesterday. 2. Michigan still does not have top-shelf, pure athleticism. How this is possible at a school with the tradition of Michigan is mind boggling. Love him or hate him (and there are both types in Ann Arbor), the Go Blue crowd better hope that RichRod breaks the Michigan mold on the recruiting front and gets some a-t-h-l-e-t-e-s from such fertile grounds as Florida, California, Texas. It's swell to get blue chippers out of Ohio and Pennsylvania, now Michigan needs to go elsewhere and get some speed on both sides of the ball. How does Michigan's athleticism compare to the LSUs of the world? After yesterday's loss at LSU, Appalachian State coach Jerry Moore said, "They're [LSU] so athletic. They didn't play like Michigan. They played like LSU." Ouch. Double ouch.

6. Our beloved Oklahoma Sooners creamed cream-puff Tennessee Chattanooga, 57-2. (We said, 57-2!) Honestly, if we were Bob Stoops, ahead 50-zip at the half, we would have made the push for 100. And that would have showed The World that OU's Back-to-Back-Fiesta Bowl-Fiascos are truly in the rear view mirror. Seriously, Stoopsie should have broken the century mark. We're just saying.

7. Erin Andrews needs to lose the leather vest. The '80s are over. Again, we're just saying.

8. Yes, USC flexed its muscles and smoked Virginia (another ACC team losing a game? Shocking!) yesterday afternoon. And yes, Southern Cal looked lethal on Oh. But if one more person says Mark Sanchez (Hola, amigos!) will be better than Matt "Where the Women at?" Leinart, we are going to go egg someone's house. Will Sanchez be better than John David Booty? Yes. Yes he will will. Probably by tomorrow, in fact. But in Leinart we are talking about one of the five greatest college quarterbacks of all-time! People forget how good he was at SC because he now backs up 55-year old Kurt Warner and makes more news for the hotties in his life off the field than how he makes the hot reads on the field. Mark Sanchez could stay at USC 10 more years and still not be on Leinart's level.

9. We love Dr.J. But we don't need to see his Dr. Pepper commercial 20-plus times every Saturday of college football.

10. And yes, folks, we stayed with college football until about 12:30 this morning (deep into the third quarter of the Washington-Oregon game). Good Gawd, it's great to have college football back!

Sarah Palin? Was Karl Rove even consulted on this?

Karl Rove is a living god. Given time and money, he could get you elected to public office in this country. Any public office -- even the White House. And if he was still pulling strings and calling shots in the shadows for the GOP, we would be totally fine with Big John McCain's gyro ball of a pitch yesterday when he tabbed Sarah Palin (Sarah Palin?!?) as his vice presidential candidate. But, a little over a year ago, Rove decided (or, as rumors go, his wife decided) it was time to get out and return to the home front. He is now penning a memoir and doing some work for Fox News. It's a mortal lock Rove is no longer calling the shots. For it is inconceivable that he would allow the party to have Palin in the number two spot.

The Risks

1. She is anti-abortion. This surely will hurt her with many (all?) female voters.

2. She is young (44). On it's own, that is no big deal, as she is just two years younger than Obama Osama Whose Your Mamma. However, when she stands next to McCain, she reinforces how old he is (72). In fact, she makes him look even older than he really is. It reaks of the daughter leading her old man around because he can no longer get there on his own.

3. She is inexperienced. Palin has a short history of public office. Heck, just 10 years ago, she was a mayor in a small Alaskan town! This certainly will not sink the ticket, but it somewhat handcuffs the Republicans in how far they can carry the argument that Oprah's Little Boy is not experienced enough to run the country.

The Rewards

1. Palin is charismatic. It is not out of the question that she could usurp a large chunk (large!) of Hillary's Trail of Crying Women. She is a mother of five. Her hubby is a...wait for it...fisherman. Clearly, she wears the pants and carries the checkbook around the igloo.

2. Unlike Billary Hillary, she is actually attractive (change the glasses, though) -- a former beauty pageant contestant, no less. Pretty. Brings home the bacon. Mother of five. That package will sell, and sell big, on the campaign trail.

3. She's no Dan Quayle. Rather, she is quite polished in front of the microphone. She will more than hold her own against The Plagiarist errrr, Joe Bin Laden Biden in their October 4 debate.

In summary, yes, we are a bit leery of McCain's pick. Of course, if Karl Rove says he loves it, then SO WILL WE.

Do not disturb!

Watching Dead Poets Society. The annual tradition, which

is the equivalent of a pre-game pep talk for teachers.

Wait no longer - College Football is here!

Yes, despite the calendar still saying August, fall is officially here today, errrrrr, tonight when 14 college football games kick off.

1. Northeastern at Ball State - Ball State's junior QB Nate Davis threw 30 TDs and only 6 picks last season, in addition to 3,667 yards.

2. UTEP at Buffalo - We grew up in Buffalo.

3. Eastern Illinois at Central Michigan - Don't knock the MAC. It's good football.

4. Indiana State at Eastern Michigan - Um...Larry Bird went to Indiana State.

5. Hofstra at UCan't UConn - If UConn can do it, why can't (or is it why doesn't) UMass?!?

6. Jacksonville at Georgia Tech - Tech is always tough on D.

7. Vanderbilt at Miami (Ohio) - UConn's top receiver, Terence Jeffers, transferred to Vanderbilt over the summer. Our only question is...wait for it...why?!?

8. Eastern Kentucky at Cincinnati - We have never eaten mutton.

9. Charleston Southern at Miami (FL) - The U is still not back and won't be at any time this season.

10. Troy at Middle Tennessee - Former OU bad boy recruit Josh Jarboe has moved on to Troy.

11. South Dakota State at Iowa State - We always liked former ISU coach Dan McCarney.

12. NC State at South Carolina - By far the most attractive game tonight (which is, obviously, why it's on ESPN). We love The Head Ball Coach. And for those who consider his college comeback a disappointment, check this out: if you put his Cocks in the ACC, they would win the league going away. (Going Away!)

13. Wake Forest at Baylor - And that's why Wake is actually in the top 25. Because the conference blows!

14. Oregon State at Stanford - Cardinal coach Jim Harbaugh talks trash. Ever see an NFL coach do that?!?

***Two non-college football quick hitters***

Jay Mariotti - Rumors persist that former Chicago Sun Times columnist Jay Mariotti is Boston bound. Now, the rumor has made it into print. Chicago Tribune sports media columnist Phil Rosenthal floated this nugget in the final paragraph of his piece about Mariotti leaving: "One rumor on which Mariotti would not comment had him bound for Boston and an array of multimedia opportunities. How he would find flaws in a city with defending champs in basketball and baseball is anyone's guess."

Wow. Now the guess is where he could land in Boston. He is on record as saying newspapers are near extinction -- which, one would think, eliminates the Boston Globe (which has cut costs and is now down to two columnists -- Bob Ryan and Dan Shaughnessy). The Globe's web site, boston.com, spent big bucks to bring Tony Massarotti over from the Boston Herald (for reasons completely unknown to us, by the way). WEEI has no radio slots open. Its revamped web site, which is now spectacular, already spent big bucks bringing in some big names.

Still, Mariotti's name and personality are huge, thanks to his time on ESPN's Around the Horn. If he wants to come to Boston, someone will shell out the bucks and make room for him.

Phillies - Mets Well, the The Sons of Uncle Charlie (© Dan Shaughnessy) spent one day back in first place before surrendering it back to the Mets last night. The reason? Because Rudy Seanez is, well, Rudy Seanez. Now it's on to Chicago (in a great match-up between Cole Hamels and Ryan Dempster), while the Mets are off tonight before playing the Marlins over the weekend.

Phillies 8 Mets 7

Let's see. You have a 7-zip lead and Pedro Martinez is on the hill for you. In the olden days, the W would have been a mortal lock. Now, however, Pedro is really only good for throwing at batters' heads. And even that has changed. It used to be 94 miles per hour coming at your dome. Now, it's about 85 and change.

And just like that, the Phillies rode 19 hits over 13 innings to beat the Mets, 8-7, and in the process take over first place.

Jimmy Rollins? 5-7, with 3 RBIs and 3 stolen bases. k kkkk
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Chris Coste? 4-4, including the game winning hit.

Eric Bruntlett? 2-2, including a pinch hit double to tie the game in the 9th inning.

Jayson Werth? 3-5, including a two out single to start the rally in the 9th inning.

And the bullpen went 10 innings and yielded...wait for it...1 run.

And if the Phillies manage to defeat ace Johan Santana tonight (to sweep the two game series), it says here they will have broken the collective spirits of the Mets and the race will be over.

The book Osama does NOT want you to read!

Read all about "Obama's extensive connections with Islam and radical politics..."

Odds & Evens Ends...

Wow. The LPGA is going to suspend the memberships of players who don't speak English?!? Oh, my. We wonder how that would fly if companies and businesses instituted the same rule. And didn't the guy from Geno's Steaks get in a heap of trouble for forcing his customers to order in English? What if Whore Stern said Yao couldn't play in the NBA his first year unless he had mastered the English Language?

We honestly watched three minutes of the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. And maybe five minutes of the men's hoop team smoking somebody, followed by perhaps 10 minutes of the closing ceremonies. We are just not big on the Olympics. To make matters worse, Our College Football Guy, Pat Forde, covered the games for espn.com. No big deal, right? Except for the fact that for three weeks he didn't type a single word about football. Today, that situation was corrected. Here's his latest Forde Yard Dash.

While we were in the basement for two weeks, a lot happened. To wit:

-- Gas kept dropping. We paid $3.45 in the basement. Who would have ever thought that would be cause for joy?!?

-- John McCain overtook Obama Osama in the polls. We knew it was only a matter of time before people took Osama for the fraud that he is. While making fun of McCain for not knowing how many houses he owns, Big John shut Osama right up by saying he would be happy to show him where he lived when he was a POW.

-- Shawne Merriman had, like, 17 different opinions on his knee, hoping one sucker doctor would say, "Sure. You can play!"

-- Mike and the Mad Dog split up. The drive time duo on WFAN lasted nearly 20 years before divorcing recently. They were considered the kings of sports talk radio and seemed to be the perfect match. Mike Francessa was (and is) the most knowledgeable guy around. Mad Dog had the passion of a psycho fan and was the perfect foil to Francessa's seriousness with his constant butchering of the English language. But alas, like most Hollywood marriages, EGO got in the way. Francessa stayed with the 'Fan, while rumors are heavy that Mad Dog (AKA Chris Russo) will get a $2-3 million a year gig from Satellite Radio. They will both still be good, but never as good as they were together.

Finally, with Labor(less) Day next week, the fall television season is beginning to wake from it's heated hibernation. Gossip Girl resumes Labor Day night. The new 90210 debuts the following night. We, of course, are especially looking forward to 90210. But we can't help but think it will be a huge disappointment. It will be impossible not to compare it to the original. But while that one had peeps like Brandon, Brenda, Dylan and Steve, the new has Silver (Silver?!?) -- and we don't mean David Silver. Plus, Rob Estes is the new principal. (What -- Mrs. Teasly wanted too much coin for the new show?!?). Estes was (and always will be) the Infamous Loser on Melrose Place who over-acted his way to the bottom and lost Amanda to Dr. Peter Burns. (Who, by the way, is the real guy they should have cribbed from Melrose to be the principal.) And finally, The Office returns September 25.

Our haul from last Tuesday's Phillies game!

Sunday Morning Links

This is classic! Team McCain is already exposing Joe Biden!

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How to save money! Lots of it!

What the top five teams in college football must do to win the championship!

Will Bob Stoops be @ OU for 20 years?!?

Comparing Sam Bradford to Tim Tebow!

Gus Johnson out as Knicks' announcer?!?

Wow! Check out the guest speakers at this b-ball clinic! (And it's only $135?!?)

Jeff Ruland to join 76ers as assistant coach! (Maybe he liked seeing Coach Rick Mahorn fight Lisa Leslie!)

Speaking of the 76ers, the national media now LOVES them!

DeSean Jackson: "Spit on a griddle..."

Wi-Fi, 9.0 - Last day of vacation...

See you next summer!

Wi-Fi, 8.0 - Only on vacation...

As our friend Jen A. Miller says, it's OK to eat like you're on vacation while actually on vacation. With that it mind, here are some of the things we ingested the last two weeks, many of which we would never eat the other 50 weeks of the year! To wit: a Slim Jim, a Pork Roll Sandwich, a huge Italian Sub from Wawa and some Tastykakes.

Wi-Fi, 7.0 - Do you really want to know what's in the ocean with you?!?

Wi-Fi, 6.0 - Postcard from *The AV (*As our 6-year old calls it)

Great weather. Great beaches. Great food. Great time.

Wi-Fi, 5.0 - Back to Avalon Seafood...this time for Steamers

Seriously, how good do those look? And they were gone in less than 10 minutes! Undoubtedly, we will be back for more this week.

Wi-Fi, 4.0 - Dolphins 50 yards off shore

Wi-Fi, 3.0 - Fresh shrimp from Avalon Seafood

$20 a pound and worth every penny.

Wi-Fi, 2.0 - Blackened Swordfish @ Busch's

Wi-Fi, 2.0 - Peace a Pizza

There really is no such thing as bad pizza. But it somehow tastes even better when it's from the shore. Last night, we took the kids to Peace a Pizza down on 97th street. The four of us quickly (and easily) polished of a large pizza. There is a rumor going around that we first stopped at, wait for it...Wawa to have them make a 10 inch Italian sub.

Our response? No comment!

Wi-Fi, 1.0 - Sea of Tranquility

Wi-Fi has arrived in The Basement!

Fret not! And check back soon for tons of good stuff -- including:

A potential Phil "Action" Jackson sighting at the Jersey Shore!

Fresh Steamers!

Basement, 5.0

Bob Stoops: "I don't start chomping at the bit in early June. It gets to be around late July. Mid- to late-July, I've had enough of being relaxed and everything and you're kind of, 'All right, this is kind of boring; I'm ready to go.' "

Basement, 4.0

Don't worry -- good stuff coming.

Basement, 3.0

Not coming up anytime soon.

Basement, 2.0

We like the basement.

Basement, 1.0

Be back later.

Pacman Jones now plays in DALLAS

Who remembers this show?!?

Prepping for stay in basement

Quickies:

1. We join the masses who say ENOUGH! with this Bret Favre crap. Trade him and move on.

2. And is there anyone else who has ever been been offered $20 million to, wait for it...stay retired?!?

3. Funny how when the NFL schedule gets released, it's damn near treated like a national holiday. The NBA releases its games and no one cares.

4. Seriously, HOW LONG does it take a puppy to become house-trained?!?

"You're gonna need a bigger boat."

"There you go, Bill."

Paul Pierce says he is best player in the world

Well, it seems we can never go long without having Fat Boy Pee Pee give us a good laugh. His latest came a few days ago when he told the Ocean County Register, "I'm the best player in the world."

No, really, he did say that -- it's Right Here if you don't believe us.

So that got us thinking: Just how many players (in "the world") are better than Paul Pierce. Let's see:

1. Kevin Garnett -- Yup, Fat Boy Pee Pee is not even the best player on his own team! Seriously, what did Paul Pierce ever do (ever!) before KG came into town? Um, that would be -- NOTHING!

2. Tim Duncan -- He's not as fat fancy on offense as #34. And he has never-ever hopped out of a wheel chair in the NBA Finals, but if you were starting a team right now, would you really take Pierce before Duncan?!? Of course not.

3. LeBron James -- Yes, we know Pierce and the Celtics beat LeBron and the Cavs in the playoffs. But that's because Pee Pee had KG and Ray Allen on his side. LeBron had...um, well let's see. LeBron had...My gosh -- LeBron had NO ONE!

4. Chris Paul -- People who say this is crazy are, in fact, themselves crazy. Or they simply won't admit they don't spend much time watching New Orleans Hornets games.

5. Dwight Howard -- 20 points, 15 boards, 2 blocks, all while facing a 48-minute double team.

6. Steve Nash -- Trade Nash for Pierce and Boston would have won 75 games last season.

OK...hard as we tried, that's it. We will concede that Fat Boy Pee Pee is the seventh best player on the planet. And for those who claim we are biased (some nonsense about us despising the Celtics and loathing Pierce), take note that neither Kobe Bryant or Elton Brand are on this list!

New Recipe for Baby Backs

Applied the usual rub and covered the ribs with foil for two hours @ 250 degrees. Let them rest (still covered) for 30 minutes. Applied sauce and smoked on the grill (indirectly at 300 degrees) for 30 minutes.

Saturday Morning Odds & Ends

IDLE THOUGHTS WHILE WE SIP OUR HAZELNUT COFFEE...
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There is a report in today's Boston Globe that says after being told he had been traded to the Hollywood Dodgers, Manny Ramirez begged not to be traded and promised to be well behaved. Seriously, that guy is just plain c-r-a-z-y. And we love all the yahoos who are questioning why Boston moved the still-offensively-productive Manny. Um, when key players go to the GM and say enough is enough, then Theo Epstein had no choice but to move him. Make no mistake about it, if the players had been fine with Manny, he would still be in Boston. And it's shocking what they were able to get back in return. Meanwhile, our 6-year old son's new favorite Red Sox? You got it -- Jason Bay.
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Cole Hamels got dinged around for the second straight time last night. We wonder if he will ever be a true number one pitcher. Think about it, how many truly great pitchers were primarily change up throwers? Um, not many (if any). Same thing with knuckle ballers -- if you make a mistake it ends up being a home run. Too often Hamels has one bad inning where he gives up three-plus runs and that inevitably leads to an L.
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Ed Stefanski continues to dominate the NBA off-season. This past week, he stayed under the radar and snagged free agent shooting guard Kareem Rush. He averaged almost nine points last season, coming off the bench for the Pacers. Even better, he nailed nearly 40 percent of his treys. We'll say it again - in the East it's: 1. Boston 2. Detroit (barely) 3. Philadelphia.
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We are card carrying members of Sooner Nation -- heck, we are Sooner Nation. Late last spring, their prized recruit Josh Jarboe, a 6'4" wide receiver, got caught with a gun (a gun!) on high school grounds. As a first offender, he got the charges greatly reduced and he moved to Norman last month. This past week, a video of Jarboe rapping made its way onto YouTube. No big deal, right? Except for the fact that Jarboe was wrapping about, wait for it...guns! But it gets even worse. He was rapping about shooting people! And now? Well, Josh will have a lot of time to write more rap songs because Our Guy Bob Stoops (In Stoops We Trust!) kicked the idiot off the team. Want to watch the video? Click here -- but be warned, DISCRETION ADVISED!
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Finally, apparently Wal-Mart is in some hot water for allegedly pressuring employees to vote Republican in November. Our take? When did it become wrong to give someone good, sound advice?!? Classic. Totally classic.
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Randy Foye: Good player...great person

Hoops Weiss on The Randy Foye Foundation!

"Baywatch" arrives at Fenway...

No, not The Hoff...

But Manny Jason Bay!

Finally -- a Championship Parade in the city of Philadelphia!

Oh, wait -- it's the Arena Football League!

Hey, it's Jaws! Nice tight Tee, Anchovy!

Manny is gone...and the sun STILL came up this morning!