Parent > Coach ...

Your Flag Football Buccaneers have their first game tonight, as Tuesday was a washout.

Unfortunately, we will not be coaching them.

It seems that The Playmaker's Sister has her grade 6 curriculum night tonight. It also seems that The Wife has "strongly suggested" it would be a good idea if both of us attend.

Thank goodness Our Dad will be texting us updates from the field.

Sharing our fantasy with you...

We split our two NFL fantasy games over the weekend. The league where we play for pride is made up of dads whose sons we coach during the year. In that one, we got our ass kicked, 89-70. Our team sheeet the bed. The running backs, Tim Hightower and Mike Tolbert (filling in for injured teammate Ryan Mathews), combined for 10 points. That's combined. Our receivers (Andre Johnson, Calvin Johnson and Hakeem Nicks) teamed up for 16 points. Even Jay Cutler was pedestrian in his efforts, getting us just 15 points. Meanwhile, Michael Vick was sitting on our bench garnering 38 POINTS.

The other league we're in is one at school with 11 other teachers. There, we are a crisp and pristine 3-0. We rolled another helpless opponent, this time it was 110-68. Anquan Boldin (32), Tom Brady (22), Michael Turner (18) and Darren McFadden (17) all came up large. And this is the team that is getting all of our attention. Why?!? Because we're playing for cash. The winner takes home 500 Big Ones. (Well, 480 to be exact.)

It's all about getting paid.

Fo, Fo, Fo...

The Phillies won their 4th straight National League East title!

What we learned about Michael Vick...

1. Michael Vick is 100 times better than he ever was with the Falcons! When he was playing for the Ay Tee Elle, he was a reincarnation of Randall Cunningham. I'm gonna lock in on one receiver and if he ain't open, I'm tucking the ball and I am outta here! Vick now makes second and third reads. He even checks down before resorting to his last option - scrambling.

2. When it's 3rd and 7, he throws the ball at least 7 yards! His predecessor, Donovan McNabb, was the master of throwing for 5 yards when the team needed 10. Vick seems to grasp down and yardage situations.

3. Andy Reid loves the guy! Vick spent many (many!) minutes on the sideline chatting with Reid. Some of it was X & O stuff. Some it, though, sure looked like two BFFs shooting the sheeet.

4. His teammates gravitate toward him! Countless Eagles were seen hanging with Vick on the sideline. Always good to see a QB who has the support of the team.

Three & Out...

1. Oops! Our college football fantasy team is just for fun. We don't know any of the other 9 owners. We stocked our team with Oklahoma guys. We seldom check the team during the week, a fact that bit us on the ass yesterday. We had intended to get Terrelle Pryor in the lineup and sit Landry Jones. When we went to do that yesterday, were shocked to have discovered we forgot our kicker is from Pitt, who played Thursday. So it was too late to get Pryor into the game. Of course, we lost by 20. Pryor, who scored ... wait for it ... SIX touchdowns (6!) sat on our bench. As did his 50(!) points. Oh, well.

2. The Brent Suicide Pool starts today! Three weeks into the season, we are finally underway. Like most of the other people, we are taking the Patriots over the Bills.

3. Both of our NFL fantasy teams put their undefeated records on the line today! We are pleased to announce that cbssports.com has us rated as the top coach in the 12 team league. Woo! Woo!

Doubleheader (before the REAL games)...

9:00 AM: Field Hockey away

1:30 PM: Travel Soccer home

3:00PM - 1:00 AM: College Football

Our kid is athletically superior to yours...

The Punt, Pass & Kick competition was last night. A total of 56 kids participated in the 8 year old division.

And who threw the ball farther than all but one of the other 55 kids?!? The Playmaker! The longest throw was 59 feet. The Playmaker's throw was was 56. He also placed in the top 7 for punting. They have not released the overall scores yet, but we know he will finish near the top. (Alas, his kick travelled only about 30 feet.)

The 46 D...

Your Flag Football Bucs had a football scrimmage this past Tuesday.

Bucs 7

Saints 0

It was a fairly short scrimmage -- three possessions for the Saints, two for us. (The game ended two plays into our third possession.) We scored the first time we had the ball. Our QB (kids are full-time QBs this year) threw about a 10 yard pass and the receiver ran another 30 yards into the end zone. On our next possession, we drove down the field, only to stall on the Saints 15 yard line. The aforementioned third possession consisted of two plays, one of which was a 10 yard first down catch along the sideline by The Playmaker.

On defense, we totally shut down the Saints. We blasted them with a four and out on their first drive. The next two possessions ended with interceptions. We yielded just a single first down.

Tonight is the punt, pass and kick competition. The regular season opens next Tuesday.

Snooze, you lose...

We don't like Michael Vick. As a dog person, how can we?!? We want him to do well, however, because we want Our Philadelphia Eagles to win on Sundays. Never has that been more so than now, when he is the starting QB for the team.

One of our fantasy teams needed a backup QB -- for no other reason than Jay Cutler has a bye week next month. When Andy Reid named Vick the starter yesterday, we figured someone would pick him up on fantasy waivers. We didn't even put in a claim for him. So when we checked this morning, we were shocked to find he had cleared waivers and was a free agent.

Adios, Jonathan Stewart (5 points this entire season). Hello, Michael Vick. He got 23 points week one and 26 last Sunday. Three TDs, zero picks. How did this guy go unclaimed?!?

The best part is that 10 minutes after we got him as a free agent, we received an e-mail trade offer for him. Jimmy Clausen for Michael Vick.

We laughed. Then we patted ourselves on the back.

And then we deleted the e-mail.

Two, too, to ...

1. Cole comes up aces! He's been the Phillies' best pitcher for two months now, and last night was no different. Hamels manned-up yet again and gave the Phillies a 4 game lead with two weeks to go. (Bill Simmons disclosure: Our Dad was at the game last night.) Roy Halladay takes the mound tonight. Roy said all winter how much he was looking forward to pitching in Big Games in September. Tonight's game is the biggest one yet for Halladay. He's been a bit off the last month. (Our theory: Too many complete games in April and May.) If Halladay shuts down the Braves and gets the W, the division is all but locked up.

2. Another week, another sweep in Fantasy Football! The Playmakers won, 105-92, to rise to number 2 (out of 12) in the power rankings. Jay Cutler (25 points), Andre Johnson (21) and Tim Hightower (17) came up large. We may, however, need to scour the waiver wire for a new RB, as Ryan Mathews (2) went down with a bad ankle. The Sons of Mike Schmidt won a low scoring affair, 73-67. We had only three guys place in double digits: Darren McFadden (14), Tom Brady (11) and Matt Forte (11).

Fantasizing about college kids...

Yes, we are in a college football fantasy league. This past weekend was the opening game in the league, and, yes, of course, we won.

Here is the roster for our team, Bud Hall:

Quarterbacks: Landry Jones (OU), Matt Barkley (USC) and Terrelle Pryor (Ohio State).

Running backs: Quiz Rodgers (Oregon State), Evan Royster (Penn State) and Derrick Locke (Kentucky).

Receivers: Ronald Johnson (USC), Julio Jones (Alabama), James Rodgers (Oregon State) and Terrence Toliver (LSU)

Tight end: Chris Pantale (Boston College)

Defense: Oklahoma and LSU

Kicker: Dan Hutchins (Pitt)

We won our game, 94-84. Money players were Quiz Rodgers (33 points), Julio Jones (16) and Ronald Johnson (12). Oops, as we sat the following guys on the bench: Terrelle Pryor (26 points) and Derrick Locke (30), as well as the LSU defense (25 points).

Wow...

Fantastic finish last night. After crapping on the prospects of having to watch Notre Dame - Michigan State and Clemson - Auburn, both games turned out to be must-sees. Glad we hung around for them. Much more here later (fantasy stuff, travel soccer update, etc.), but for now you can enjoy this while we go out and cut the grass.

UMass arrives at The Big House...

UMass goes to The Big House...

Fact of life...

Sometimes you have to be a hard-ass and a thug to get what you want.

k

Today was one of those days.

Hello, I must be going...

Fantasy moves!

Arriving: Oklahoma's Jermaine Gresham (in both leagues) & Nate Washington

Departing: Dexter McCluster, Early Doucet & Marshawn Lynch

Fantasies come true...

One week. Two teams. Two victories.

The Playmakers romped, 92-58. Jay Cutler (Jay Cutler!) outscored ... wait for it ... DREW BREES, 24-15! Hakeem Nicks dominated with 25 points and Tim Hightower (a free agent pickup we got to take over for the injured Beanie Wells) tallied 11.

The Sons of Mike Schmidt also rolled quite easily, 111-70. Matt Forte (30), Tom Brady (22) and Steve Breaston (13) all did well. And we awarded the GM of the Year to ourselves for cutting Michael Bush (bad thumb) and signing his teammate Darren McFadden off the scrapheap (as well as getting Hightower to sub for Beanie). D-Mac came up large, getting 20 points.

A bad situation...

Your starting QB got hurt (and stinks)!

Your backup played well (but is a jerk)!

Megan Fox Fantasy Football...

We are in two NFL fantasy football leagues this year, as well as a college one. Here are our NFL teams:

Team name: The Playmakers

QB: Jay Cutler, Chad Henne

RB: Ryan Mathews, Beanie Wells (Get well soon!), Tim Hightower, Jonathan Stewart

WR: Andre Johnson (Hello, championship!), Calvin Johnson, Hakeem Nicks, Vincent Jackson (Wink-wink!), Dexter McCluster

TE: Brent Celek (We traded Tony Gonzalez to get him!)

K: Rob Bironas

Defense: Dallas Cowboys

**********

Team name: The Sons of Schmitty

QB: Tom Brady, Sam Bradford (The Playmaker's personal selection in the last round)

RB: Michael Turner, Matt Forte, Mike Bell (Gotta have an Eagle!), Toby Gerhart, Marshawn Lynch (Stop laughing! Where's the waiver wire?!?), Darren McFadden (Value in round 14!)

WR (Weak, weak, weak!): Percy Harvin, Steve Breaston, Anquan Boldin, Mario Manningham, Early Doucet (Lester!)

TE: Vernon Davis

K: Nate Kaeding

Defense: J-E-T-S (Wood!)

Joe Pa: Father to many...

There are *24 (repeat: TWENTY-FOUR!) college football games on TV today. Our goal is to watch parts of all of them. At 2:30 The Fire will play their first game. Otherwise, we are couch bound, clicker in one hand and EVO in the other. Check us out on Twitter today, www.twitter.com/ThePitmaster. (Or just click HERE.)

*Sadly, one of those games will feature OU getting whacked at home by FSU.

H-E-L-P!!!!!!!!!

The Playmaker's Sister is having three friends sleep over tonight.

Anyone have a spare room?!?

(For us, not them...)

Goalllllllllllllllll...

We may not win another game this year, but we won our one and only pre-season soccer scrimmage tonight, 4-3. The Playmaker scored the first goal of the game. He nearly had one other goal, too. Rumor has it he may play a little goalie during Saturday's season opener.

Back where we belong...

Tomorrow it begins...

August 31, 1987...

That said, J-Boe goes inside to start packing.

Summer's over.

DeMarco Murray: Best back in the nation...

218 yards & 2 TDs...

First Saturday of Autumn...

This will be our only uninterrupted Saturday of college football until November. For we got the e-mail late yesterday that The Playmaker had been selected to play on the travel soccer team. Great news! Except for the fact that every game is Saturday at 2:30. Alas, we will adapt. (And no, we are not the head coach -- merely the assistant coach.) So with no fewer than ... wait for it ... 17 games to watch on TV today, here's what we will be focusing on:

Miami (OH) @ Florida, noon -- We will get our first look at Gator QB John Brantley.

Samford @ Florida State, noon -- The Seminoles travel to OU next week.

UConn @ Michigan, 3:30 -- Why more people aren't picking the Huskies in The Big House is beyond us. We think UConn leaves with the W. And the beginning of RichRod's final season begins.

Purdue @ Notre Dame, 3:30 -- Wow. Great opening game. We'll take ND to lose.

William & Mary @ UMass, 3:30 -- Team Vic will be watching. We will, too.

Washington @ BYU, 7:00 -- Now that a-hole Max Hall has left, we no longer despise BYU. We do like Coach Sark of the Huskies.

Oregon State @ TCU, 7:45 -- Stealing a page from Boise State, TCU schedules one non conference game and then plays in their crap conference the rest of the season and thumps its chest in December and says, "Put us in the BCS!" We hope they lose by a hundred.

LSU vs. North Carolina, 8:00 -- Now that the whole Carolina team has been busted for something, Lester must win this game to keep LSU faithful from coming after him. If he loses this one, it's a lock that he will be on the sidelines in Ann Arbor a year from now.

Cincinnati @ Fresno State, 10:00 -- Fresno has Coach Cal's old attitude: Any time. Any place. In a few weeks Our Sooners must travel to Cincy.

Wisconsin @ UNLV, 11:00 -- Yet another reason why college football is superior to the NFL. After an entire day of football viewing, you can watch a game kickoff at 11 P.M. How great is that?!?

Enjoy the games...

Do not disturb...

As is our Friday of Labor Day Weekend Tradition, we are watching the Brandon Spikes home video Dead Poet's Society and The Fan on Blu-ray this morning. Dead Poets is a classic, and gets us in the frame of mind to start teaching next week. The Fan is just a damn good flick. Robert DiNero plays the role of Gil, a baseball fanatic who ends up losing his marbles.

All set for Earl...

1. Worked out.

2. Made breakfast for kids and packed lunches for school.

3. Got kids on their school buses.

4. Cut the lawn.

5. Went shopping for back to school clothes (for us). Picked up some Joseph Abboud threads.

6. Took kids to the dentist and then for flu shots.

We are ready for the hurricane. More importantly, we are ready for the start of college football tonight. We'll take the Cocks, Trojans (yes, we get it...) and Panthers (in a squeaker on the road against Utah).

The Big Board©...

1.Stats! ↑ We've linked up to some cool analytical gadgets that break-down the numbers on this blog. We discovered, for instance, that we have multiple followers in ... wait for it ... Canada (ay)! Also, yesterday we had no fewer than 71 hits on the blog -- well above our numbers when we last figured them out (on our own) a year ago.

2. The Phillies won, but their offense still sucks!↓ Hoo-ray, they put up an 8 spot on the Dodgers. But how many more 3 run bombs is Brian Schneider gonna hit?!? Victorino is beginning to shake off his season long hangover, but they need Utley and J-Roll to do the same. We think they'll win the wild card. Beyond that, we just don't know.

3. Shocker,Osama refuses to credit W for winning the war in Iraq!↓ Now that Osama has decided we've won in Iraq and can begin to bring home our brave men and women he simply refuses to give W any credit at all. Three years ago the liberal commie loser democrats were all over W's case because instead of pulling troops out, he actually added troops to the effort in Iraq. And who screamed the loudest?!? Why Osama, of course. And now he wants us to bow down before him because we've "won" in Iraq and he wants our war heroes home.

4. First day of school for The Playmaker & The Playmaker's Sister!↑ Remember how you always spent two days planning what you were going to wear on day one?!? She went with ... wait for it ... and Aeropostale shirt (shocker!) and shorts. He went with a Talbots golf shirt, shorts and Air Jordans. (Tomorrow, and probably every day on out, he will, undoubtedly, go with a sports jersey.)

5. Oh, my arm, I think it's broken!↑↓ For reasons unknown to man us, The Dog likes to lay like a cat on top of the couch and stare out the window. On Sunday, he fell off and landed on the heating baseboard. It made a loud noise (and scared the sheet out of The Dog), but there was no apparent damage to the animal (or the baseboard). However, Monday morning he wanted nothing to do with putting any pressure on his back right leg. After watching him hop around on three legs the whole day, we took him to the vet in the late afternoon. The Vet (good guy -- we know him from lax) said he was "50-70 percent" sure The Dog had sprained his ACL. (We kid you not, the dog sprained his ACL. Raise your hand if you even knew dogs had ACLs.) He gave him some pain meds and said bring him back in a week. Worst case scenario would be an ACL tear -- which would mean doggie surgery. (Again, we can't make this stuff up.) So we gave him some Vicodin a pill that night and it knocked him right out. The next morning (yesterday) we gingerly got him out of his cage and put him on the floor to see what he would do. After doing his usual morning stretching for 15 seconds, The Dog ... wait for it ... started booking around the house! We ran after him and attempted to calm him down and get him to sit with us on the couch. He had no interest, so we let him outside. After five minutes we brought him back in. After getting a big drink, he brought us the tennis ball and wanted to play. He was his normal self the whole day. No sign of even a limp. We stopped to the meds to make sure he was running around because he was healthy, not because he was all Favred Up on narcotics. This morning, he is, again, fine. Knock on wood, but we are guessing we can rule out the ACL tear, and even the sprain. Now the question is whether or not we can use his pain pills.

6. The Pats shaky D just got even shakier!↓ It wasn't all that good to begin with, but now having lost Leigh Bodden (to go along with Ty Warren), The Sons of Coach Bill are in a bit of trouble. Their Best Bet (or is it Only Hope?!?) is that Tom Brady puts up 35 plus points every week.

7. Good gawd, man, get a haircut!↓ Speaking of TB12, we know he's all trendy and the jet setter, etc. but please, puh-lease, get a haircut. The amount of respect he would earn around the league by getting a buz cut would be incomprehensible. Screw Giselle, Tom. (Michael Scott: That's what she said.) Don't listen to what she (and her publicists - plural) are telling you. Shave it off. Be a man, for gawd sake.

8. No one can get their hands on a Sprint HTC Evo!↑ But, of course, we've had one for over a month. Again, being The Mayor comes with perks. So while The Country tries to score one of those suckers, we've been loving ours for weeks on end. Plain and simple, it's the best phone we've ever had or seen! (And yes, Our Wife has an iPhone 4.)

9. In The Basement, we read The Philadelphia Inquirer!↑ And you know what, their Sunday business section absolutely makes The Boston Globe look like C-R-A-P. Bookmark it. Read it every week. You'll be better off for it.

10. TCU sucks!↓ We are tired of hearing about TCU being one of the top 5 college football teams this season. Their schedule is akin to a girls U7 flag football team.