Still a classic...

Saturday Morning Thoughts...

A few hours away from Captain Ray's Kegger (complete with a DJ), here is what we're thinking about...

1. Softball/Baseball Update: The Playmaker's Sister went 1-1 (a 2 out bases loaded single to left) and was hit by a pitch in a 3-3 tie Thursday night in a cold-shortened game. The Playmaker won his game last night, 21-15, and went 1-3 batting in the 3 hole.

2. We are not totally sure, but we think last night's 9th inning was the first clean inning all season by Brad Lidge of the Phillies. With Mental Midget (© Uncle Dick) Brett Myers gone until September, it's time to at least try to see if Jake Peavy would be willing to pitch the Phillies back into the World Series. It will take heralded prospects Jason Donald (psst...hitting .234 in AAA) and Lou Marson (shh...hitting .230), as well as a pitcher to get San Diego to sit down at the Trade Table.

3. We celebrated this final weekend of May by buying our first college football magazine this morning. We are now officially under three months until the start of the season.

4. The best part about Action Jackson winning the NBA title in two months weeks?!? He will pass A-hole Auerbach on the all time NBA Title list.

This is great...

Randoms, 2.0

We are working on article about two new high tech purchases being in our distant (3-6 month) future. Psst...one of them is a new cell phone. And we are, to say the least, intrigued by the iPhone. Even more so now that we read today's news that AT&T is going to upgrade its 3G Network. It claims devices (Read: The iPhone!) will be able to download at a speed of almost 1 megabyte per second. For the non-techies out there, that speed is frigging insane! Anyway, here's the article.

So Brett Myers (bum hip) is now hurt. After years of underachieving (and being an A-hole off the field), it is time to play the Bill Parcells' Card. You are what your are. And this is what Myers (4-3, 4.66) is: a 3rd or 4th pitcher in your rotation. It appears he will never develop into anything more than that. And G.M. Ruben Amaro, Jr. should call Pat Gillick proceed as such and go out and land a #2 for the rotation.

Many Anti Coach Cal People are doing a mock Now-there's-a-shock at today's stories saying the NCAA Feds have landed in Memphis to drop-kick the basketball program into the gutter over allegations that Coach Cal's Big Gun two years ago, Derrick Rose, allegedly cheated on his SATs.

Three things: 1. We have blind faith in The Man. 2. How was he to blame for Marcus Camby being morally weak and accepting jewelry and hookers at UMass?!? 3. Does anyone really think Cal was dumb enough to get connected to any type of SAT impropriety?!? ***That's not to say he was unaware of some winky-winky. BUT...like any Wise Guy, he was undoubtedly left out of the loop to avoid getting Pistol Whipped by NCAA Feds. And even if Rose cheated, does anyone really believe he is the only star to have ever done so?!? Puh-lease.

OK...after about a 10 day hiatus (having missed one game because of Dance Class) The Playmaker's Sister takes her .500 batting average back to the softball field tonight. The message we will give her is the same one we will give you:

Go out and kick some ass today.

Randoms...

Kind of a controversy in Philly, as some people want to replace the Cheesesteak with a pork sandwich as the un official sandwich of the city. Read more here!

Meanwhile, big news in the Tech Industry as Nokia is launching an on-line app store to rival Apple's App Store. Our response. We'll let you know when we stop laughing. Seriously!

Funny Playmaker Quote: After getting out of the tub last night he looked in the mirror and said, "With my hair wet, I look like Blake Griffin."

Funny Playmaker Story: We were shooting hoops last week when a neighbor walked by. She stopped and said to us, "He's going to be a good athlete."

We bit our tongue. Chuckled internally. Nodded and walked away.

Really -- how ignorant can people be?!?

Finally, we will end with a Playmaker's Sister Story: Guess who had the highest grade (97) on their state project?!? And, of course, her state was The Jersey Shore.

Have a great day out there, people!

Memorial Day Grub

Memorial Day is the day all Amercians pause and give thanks to the brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice. It's also, as we all know, a day when many find themselves eating food from the grill. Above are shots of our oh-so-traditional Memorial Day Meal of hot dogs and hamburgers. FYI...the burger had Cheddar Cheese and was served on an English Muffin.

The death of newspapers...

A short (very short) theory on why newspapers are failing!

The Zoo

We went with The Grandparents and took the kids to the zoo yesterday. It was warm (not hot) and someone (perhaps us) was a tad cranky. Still, it was a good time. And we saw some really cool animals. The main attraction was a baby giraffe -- one that has been in the news lately.

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Other highlights included the biggest turtle we have ever seen, a sleeping lion, a fire engine red parrot, an elephant who gave rides, something that looked like Bevo (the dreaded texASS mascot), kangaroos and a bearded pig (yes, that is the official name).

Graduation...90210 style

That's NOT John Mayberry's Dad!

That's classic!

John Mayberry's 1st Dinger

(Too bad Loser Lidge blew the game...)

John Mayberry gets the Silent Treatment...

And again...

Three & Out...

The lawn has been cut. Big George came and turned on the in-ground sprinklers. We are ready for a 72 hour work detox (and Stone Harbor/Avalon is just three months away). But first, three quick thoughts:

1. We can only wonder what All-Star Loser Allen Iverson thinks about the Denver Nuggets being thisclose to reaching the NBA Finals. For years, A.I. said he only needed to play with someone else who could consistently score. So off he went to Denver and teamed up with Melo. But the Nuggets became worse the minute he stepped on the court. Then he went to Detroit and joined Rasheed and Rip, but -- shocker the Pistons got bad. Really bad. So we love the fact that A.I. has to watch Chauncey Billups direct Denver to the finals.

2. Can the National League just give Phillies' outfielder Raul Ibanez the MVP trophy right now?!? Good gawd, man, the guy is hitting .349 with 15 dingers and 40 RBI. And his slugging percentage is an off-the-charts .724.

3. The Playmaker went 2-4 with 2 RBIs last night in a 22-16 loss. Even better, while playing catcher, he caught a foul ball pop up.

Have a safe weekend.

The Internet habits of Men v. Women

An interesting read!

Last night's dinner...

Pork Tenderloin ... Corn ... Rice Pilaf

What we're reading...

We have (thankfully) finished Filip Bondy's snoozefest titled Tip Off (detailing the 1984 NBA Draft featuring Olajuwon, Jordan, Sam Bowie & Barkley). Looking for something with a little more kick (to say nothing of actually being interesting), yesterday we started Kitchen Confidential, penned by maverick chef Anthony Bourdain.

For the unaware, Bourdain (now 52) hit the Big Time with his first book, the aforementioned Kitchen Confidential, published in 2000. The book was so big, in fact, he got his own television show on The Food Network in 2002. A Cook's Tour saw Bourdain travel to different states and profile local cuisine and restaurants. Many found his Food Network gig surprising, as Bourdain went out of his way in his book to slam stars Emeril Lagasse and Bobby Flay.

The book jacket promised the inside dish on cooking in a major restaurant. Oh, yes, it also promised tales of heavy drinking, drug use and...wait for it...sex.

We are two chapters in and happy to say the book has all of that -- and more.

Celtics losing proves a lot about Pee Pee

Honestly, we were sure the Celtics were going to win last night. What we saw from the Orlando Magic against Our 76ers in the first round of the playoffs showed us very little. They looked like a team that:

A. Completely ignored their best player on offense

B. Only wanted to hoist treys

C. Were coached by a short, fan man who screamed and whined a lot, but had no clue how to actually coach

Even without Kevin Garnett, we figured the Celtics would win the series.

Of course, they did not. Patrick Ewing's prediction actually came true. (By the way, that makes him, like, 2-17 in career predictions.)

And we love the fact the Cetlics lost. They can never lose too many games to suit our taste.

But even better than actually losing is what it proves for all to see. It is Garnett, not Paul Pierce, who is the best player on the Celtics. It was Garnett, not Pierce, who got the Celtics their championship last June.

Think we're wrong?!?

Riddle us this: If Pierce had missed the series, but KG had been 100 percent, would the outcome have been different?!?

Of course it would. There's no way a Celtics team with KG would have lost to the Magic.

And what did Paul Pierce ever do before KG (and Ray Allen) came to town?!?

Um. Well, he was fat. Really fat. His defense was terrible. And he took a ton of bad shots.

Losing KG for the playoffs was...wait for it... huge. (News flash!) But shouldn't the self proclaimed "Best Player in the World" be able to get his team to the NBA Finals out of the second round of the playoffs?!?

But no. All Pee Pee could do was muster a measly 16 points (on 4-13 shooting, including 1-5 behind the line) and 2 rebounds (niiice) in 39 woeful minutes. Ouch. Maybe he should have faked another injury and gone off in a wheelchair and then come back on the court 30 seconds later. That sure worked last year.

So, we'll next see your muscle-less body in October, Pee Pee. Have a nice off-season.

And, oh yeah. One more thing. Before you start talking (again) about being "The Best Player in the World", you may want to update it so it's actually (and factually) correct. You are: "The Second Best Player on a Team that Lost in the 2nd Round of the Playoffs".

How classic is that?!?

Three games in three 72 hours...

Friday Night -- The Playmaker goes 2-3 with 2 RBI. His team wins 16-10.

Saturday Afternoon -- The Playmaker's Sister plays her best game of the year, going 3-3. Her best hit of the day is a bases loaded line drive single to left field. Her team is now 4-2 and she is batting .500 (7-14).

Sunday Afternoon -- The Playmaker goes 2-3 with 1 RBI. He is robbed of an extra base hit when the left fielder makes a sliding catch out of his ass. His team is now 6-2.

An acrostic poem...

Loser
Increasingly mediocre player
Totally full of himself
Obnoxious

Soft as tissue
He'll never make another Pro Bowl
Every QB will attack him
Pu$$y
Putrid
Always is injured
Really hates to tackle anyone
Doesn't realize how good he had it

Tonight's dinner...

Ribs on the grill.

A Child's Rite of Passage...

As many of us know, parenting is a wonderful thing. And we also know that it is not always easy.

So it was this morning on our way out the door to endure The Pre-Dawn Run that we noticed something odd. Maisy, The Playmaker's Sister's hamster of nearly three years, was awake and nestled in the corner of her cage. (Truth be told, Maisy is actually a boy. But when he came home from the pet store, The Playmaker's Sister quickly decided that he was a she.) Being nocturnal, it was a bit unusual for her to be awake at 5 AM. Even stranger, however, was the fact that she was just sitting there. Anytime she's awake, she is either eating, drinking, running on her wheel or climbing the cage. We quickly looked at her and convinced ourselves she was fine. However, when we had finished The Run, she was still as we had left her. We then knew she was not well. So we did what most husbands do in these situations. We woke up The Misses and filled her in. She came down and confirmed our worst fears. We decided that she would take Maisy to the vet and if the doctor confirmed our diagnosis, we would have Maisy put to sleep. We did not want her to suffer. Even more important, we did not want The Playmaker's Sister to watch her suffer. Not wanting to send a sobbing child to school, we held off on giving our daughter the news. (The misses called a little while ago to say that Maisy was in Pet Heaven.)

So at some point this afternoon after school, we will sit down with Our Daughter and give her the news. Tears will fall. And fall quickly. There will tons of them. When The Fish died last summer, The Playmaker's Sister cried and was somber for a few hours. This time, the pain will be more traumatic. More pronounced. And, undoubtedly, much more enduring.

In the overall scheme of things, this is a relatively minor loss. However, to a 10 year old this will be huge.

As such, it will huge for her parents.

Hmm...

Sitting around kind of bored -- and came up with this for a logo. Who knows?!? Tomorrow it may be deleted.

Last night's dinner: Surf & Turf Surf

Grilled Shrimp

Grilled Swordfish

Get your links!

Who remembers Pooh Richardson?!? It appears the police do!

Phil Jasner on who might be the next coach of the 76ers! (The Czar?!?)

Sam Keller (Sam Keller?!?) is trying to ruin your PS3 fun!

Our Guy Pat Forde on sleazy basketball recruiting!

In real life, Jack Bauer is "not a pleasant drunk" and once consumed "six alcoholic beverages in 45 minutes!"

A FREE video football game to rival Madden?!?

Big Baby (and Loser King)...

We can't remember a second round draft pick improving as much from year one to year two as Big Baby Davis of the Celtics. Last year, he was fat and could not score. Now, he is kinda fat and can step out and hit the jumper. Yet another eff-up by former 76ers G.M. Billy King. A day before the draft, King brought Davis in for a workout. Two hours later, King concluded Big Baby was too short and too lazy to be a serviceable NBA player. Nice, Billy. Nice.

At least we can take solace in the fact the Celtics will never (never!) be able to re-sign both Davis and Rajon Rondo and stay under the cap.

"We're nothing."

Today's lunch...

Grilled roast beef and cheese!

(After coaching for five hours today, we are too tired to write anything. Tomorrow, we will detail today's baseball/softball games.)

Hash Browns 4 dinner...

From this...

To this!

Stay Thirsty, My Friends, 2.0

24

This is classic: Kiefer Sutherland acts like Jack Bauer and breaks man's nose with a head-butt!

Stay Thirsty, My Friends, 1.0

We love this guy.

The King Loves (LOVES!) the Eagles' Draft!

We firmly believe you can never have enough NFL Draft coverage -- both pre and post. And so it is we direct you to Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback Column today. He can't speak, errrrr, write highly enough about what Your Our Philadelphia Eagles did last weekend. (To read it, click HERE.) Some bits and pieces:

I can't imagine a team that helped itself more on offense in April than Philadelphia.

What the Eagles did on the second day of the draft -- still unnoticed eight days later; no one's said a word about it -- is one of the greatest feats of trading down and getting value for the future that I've ever seen. And I mean ever.

But the upshot of that trade, and four others within five hours, left the Eagles as the power players in the 2010 draft.

If I were a football fan looking for a team to root for, I'd pick the Eagles, and what they did on draft weekend is a big reason.

Wow. Double wow. Long live The King!

I might be a little out of the loop...I'm OK with that.

Speaking of Bulls and Celtics...

This is suh-weet! Video clips of the top 10 plays of the series!

Game 7 Thoughts...

1. Why is it Chicago can't run plays coming out of timeouts at the end of games?!? Assistant coaches Bernie Bickerstaff and Del Harris were (multiple) failures as head coaches, but shouldn't somebody be able to show Vinny Del Negro how to diagram a play?!? One one play in one of the game six overtimes (they have all run together at this point), they got the ball to Brad Miller at the 3 point line with five seconds to play. Stop and think about that.

2. That OT corner shot Ray Allen hit over the outstretched arms of Joakim Noah was perhaps the prettiest hoop in the history of the game.

3. Yes, John Salmons really stuck it to us in game 6. After we bad mouthed him and basically called him a LOSER, he went out and dropped in 35 Big Ones. Well, that's great, Holmes. Now go out tonight and play well again. It says here he won't.

4. We'll say Celtics by double digits tonight.

Paul Pierce's STUPID play loses game for Celtics

(And yes, we LOVE it. Absolutely LOVE it.)

He had Salmons beat on the dribble and he passes the ball? Even worse, he passes to Scalabrine?!? The pass gets picked. And instead of allowing Joakim the hoop, he fouls him, fouls himself out of the game and loses the contest for Boston.