1. Pay to attend a hockey game.
2. Wear a fanny-pack.
3. Cheer for the Boston Celtics.
4. Clip a cell phone to our belt.
5. Wear one of those stupid cell phone Bluetooth things around our ear.
6. Willingly pick up the phone and call someone (anyone!).
7. Own a mini-van.
8. Dress like Jim Tressel.
9. Watch Obese Winfrey's left-wing-communist television show.
10. Get a tattoo.
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