Monday's List, 3.0

Things to complain about...

1. Have you heard that the Dallas Cowboys basically cost us $1K? And it's because their brilliant coach, Fat Albert Wade Phillips, felt the need to call timeout and then send 12 defenders out on the field for a crucial third down. That stupid penalty extended Washington's drive and allowed them to eat up another two plus minutes off the clock -- sealing their upset victory.

2. Osama has spiked in the polls following last week's debate. To honor him, we felt it would be appropriate to run this picture of him. How's that for a potential Next President of the United States?!?

3. Our Philadelphia Eagles lost a gimme game to the Chicago Bears last night, 24-20. Yes, they played without their Best Player, Brian Westbrook. But still, when you get stuffed three straight times from the one yard line in the fourth quarter, you deserve to lose. Andy Reid is a decent football coach. But his eye for talent is abysmal. And his loyalty to players is mind boggling. He drafted Correll Buckhalter eight years ago. He has never done ANYTHING, except get injured and specialize in mediocrity. Eight years later, he is still a journeyman taking up a roster spot. Two years ago, he spent a third round pick on Tony Hunt to replace Buckhalter as the power back to complement Westbrook. Hunt got, like, one carry or something last season. This summer, he was moved to fullback. This despite the fact The Entire World admitted he had no idea how to block. All of which brings us to last night. The Eagles trailed, 24-20, and went on a seven minute drive that put them in a second and goal situation from the one yard line. Hunt got stuffed on second down. Buckhalter got stuffed on third and fourth down. Game over. Thanks for wasting our time. Of course, the offensive line must shoulder much of the blame. But shouldn't an NFL running back be able to get ONE YARD ON THREE CARRIES?!? Buckhalter and Hunt both suck. But they will continue to play because Andy Reid's idea of change is to bring back Dorsey Levins. (By the way, check out this scathing critique of Reid's effort last night. Yikes!)

4. Why do Stupid People get all the power? How is it that Missouri and texASS each received a first place vote in the latest top 25 poll?!? How are either of those teams more deserving than Alabama, LSU or Our Sooners? Bama beat Georgia on the road at night -- that alone makes them the best team so far. LSU beat Auburn on the road at night -- that is more impressive than anything Mizzu or the Bonghorns have done. And OU beat No. 24 TCU, as well as Washington on the road. Oh wait, Mizzu beat Illinois of the Bad Big 10. Wow! Now that's impressive. And then they beat...wait for it...Southeast Missouri State, Nevada and Buffalo. Quite the trifecta there. Lack Crown's UT team has defeated Florida Atlantic, UTEP, Rice and a terrible Arkansas team.

5. Our chest is congested.

6. The sun has not come out in five days.

7. Our whole school seems to have a cold. And now we do, too. (Shocker!) It's still September. Who the hell gets a cold in September?!?

8. We feel like crap.

9. Wachovia got bought out by Citigroup.

10. We have to wait six more days until Saturday.

*And then you read stories like the one about Tampa Bay's Matt Bryant and you realize most of your problems really don't amount to much.

So...Hug your kids (or anyone else) and have a Good Day!