Why is This Man in the Majors?

Well, our Favorite Pitcher Adam Eaton lasted a whopping 4 1/3 innings today. He was mercifully lifted from the game after yielding 9 hits and 6 runs, with his team trailing the Milwaukee Brewers, 6-1. Those numbers bring his season ERA to 6.09. How will we ever thank "Stand" Pat Gillick for giving this stiff a 3-year $24.5 million dollar contract last season? Guess that's what he meant last summer when he said by trading Bobby Abreu the team would have money to spend in the off-season. If Super Stiff Eaton was making "only" $1 million a year, he would have been shipped to the minors months ago.