A Who's Who of VIP Sideline Peeps at Tonight's USC-OSU Game

ESPN.com's Ted Miller has posted who will be getting VIP Sideline Passes for tonight's mega-hyped tilt between USC and Ohio State. Here are some of the names that caught our eye: (Miller's entire list is right here.)

1. Isiah Thomas - Isiah Thomas?!? Are you frigging kidding us?!? Why in the name of Paul Hackett would SC give a pass to Zeke? Since he retired from the Detroit Pistons everything he has been connected to has, well, it has sucked. Nothing but bad karma can come Southern Cal's way from this.

2. Nick Lachey - He's only there to scoff Matt Leinart's sloppy seconds. And there will be plenty of those, to be sure.

3. Rodney Peete - And he's only there to hit up the tailgating buffet lines. Good gawd, man, you were once an NFL QB. Mix in a few salads and start humping the eliptical.

4. Greg Oden - If we're Portland G.M. Kevin Pritchard, we don't want Gee Oh anywhere near the sideline. How many times have we seen a play go out of bounds and some clueless civilian with a press pass gets taken out at the legs and ends up sprawled out on the ground? Is that really what Portland wants?!?
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5. Jamie Foxx - He played Tubbs in the movie version of Miami Vice. We would prefer to have Don Johnson, who, of course, was Crockett on TV version, on the sidelines. Plus, his character was a former college All American wide receiver.

6. Marcus Allen - We can only hope that Marcus brings His Man AC Cowlings with him. We can never get enough of AC.

7. Dennis Thurman - We are, undoubtedly, the only ones who remember Thurman as #32, the dirty hard hitting safety from the Dallas Cowboys in the early '80s.

8. Amare Stoudemire - Ironic that the guy who never even went to college will be at the game.

9. Fonzie - Arthur (as Mrs. C always called him) is a leeee-git USC backer.

10. Eddie George - The good will ambassador from Ohio State. We predict he will one day be the athletic director there.

11. Denzel Washington - "A good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood."

12. Anna Rawson - Or is it Andre Dawson? Long live The Hawk. (And for those of you asking, "Who the hell is Mel Kiper Anna Rawson?!?" -- well, she is an SC alum and the hottest golfer on the Ladies European Tour.)

13. Todd Marinovich - It will be good to see Marijuanavich back in The Coliseum, where he once got stoned played. We can only wonder what he will show up with: 1. His surfboard and guitar 2. A McDonald's cheeseburger 3. A plastic Ziploc bag full of weed 4. A dartboard with a picture of his father (Marv) on it.

Wrong, Rick, Wrong!

We loved reading Rick Reilly's stuff when he owned the back page of Sports Illustrated. Witty. Sarcastic. Knowledgeable. Simply put, he got it. Then one day, we heard him on the Jim Rome (radio) Show. We liked his written words a lot better than his spoken ones. On the air, he came off a bit all-knowing, and anyone who disagreed with him simply wasn't smart enough to understand his point.

A few months ago, he jumped ship from SI and landed at...wait for it...ESPN-DOT-COM. (Shocking, we know.) And since then, we've kind of lost track of him. But last night, we were poking around the site and came upon his story about which teams rule their cities.

Our current phrase these days is, "You go with what you know..." And so it was with fascination that we looked at his entries for Philadelphia and Boston.

Of course, he had them all wrong. Not surprising, because it's near impossible to have your pulse on every major city. Except for the fact that Reilly, yet again, made it seem like he knew everything about, well, everything. And with Philly and Boston, at least, he is off. Way off.

Here is his take on Philadelphia: "Used to be Eagles, now it's Phillies. This is partly because of the Phils' young stars and partly because the Iggles owner has handed it to them. Jeffrey Lurie is a Boston guy who's made $800 million so far on his Eagles purchase but not many friends. You always get the feeling that his jet bound for his beloved Beantown is double-parked."

Um. Whatever, Rick.

1. Philly has always been an Eagles Town. Seriously, have you ever heard of fans going to an Eagles game and doing Phillies cheers?!? Of course not. But anytime the Phillies are getting blown out, you can count on some faction of fans breaking out with, "E-A-G-L-E-S!" chants often and loud.

2. True, Philly Peeps don't like Jeff Lurie. But they hated Norman Braman with a passion. Yet, they never let that dissuade them from cheering for the team.

3. No one in Boston ever (ever!) refers to Boston as Beantown!

For Boston, he typed: Red Sox. Once, Boston was a hockey town, and Orr's Bruins ruled. It's never been a Celtics town—despite Russell and Bird—partly because of the finally fading racism. Patriots? Pssshhht. They're not even in Boston. The Red Sox, though, sell out a cramped, rusted ballpark as though there were Hope Diamonds under every seat. Says longtime Boston sports yakker Eddie Andelman: "Who can have a decent conversation about anything else?"

Wow. We're not sure where to even begin.

1. It is a FACT that in the 1980s the Celtics and Larry Bird frigging owned the city! (Frigging owned!) Anyone who says differently, has no idea what they're blabbing about.

2. Now, Boston is a Patriots Town. During the last six days, no one has talked or written about anything other than Tom Brady's season-ending injury. Nothing about JD's bad back. Nothing about Lowell's return. Nothing about Papelbon's recent closing woes. Not a word about catching the Rays for first place. Nope. Nothing. Zilch. It's been All-Brady. All-the-Time.

3. Anyone who cites Eddie (Hi, how-are-ya?) Andelman as a reference for anything sports related is just plain clueless. My Dad told me that about 35 years ago, when there was no such thing as sports talk radio, Andelman had a Sunday night call-in show. If so, that was certainly the last time he was a person of relevance on the Boston Sports Scene. WEEI's rise to dominance coincided with Andelman's departure.

So now you know.

Post Flag Football Practice Beer Can Chicken

The pathetic tale of Vince Young

We're not into ripping people. Really, we're not.

Well, OK. We're not into ripping people we like.

And, as a rule, we try not to rip college kids.

All of which brings us to Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young. Maybe you heard that ole VY (OU fans use to taunt him by calling him TV) doesn't seem to be doing well lately. Not on the field. And certainly not off the field.

In last week's opening effort, TV, oops, VY went 12-22 for...wait for it...a whopping 110 yards. He also threw two picks and one touchdown. His Titans won, but Young was booed by the hometown fans. Rumors of Young begging out of the game flogged him. He actually did leave the game with a knee injury. Even then, cynics felt he was jaking it and looking for an excuse to get off the field. (Today, it was announced Young has an MCL sprain.)

But that is not the interesting (or is it pathetic?) part of the story. Monday night, some 24 hours after his horrific game, Young seemingly disappeared. Members of his family were so fearful that they alerted the Titans. Coach Jeff Fisher quickly called the police. A Nashville police spokesman said Young's family was, "concerned with his emotional well-being." Young was later found at a friend's house where, according to his agent, he was eating chicken wings. Oh, yes. They also found a gun in his car.

Very Nice...

Today, Young's mother (Felicia Young) went to the press and said her son is "hurting inside and out...he needs a lot of love and support. " She also said he may no longer want to play football.

Oh, my...

Mom then went on to blame her son's problems on the fans and media who have been critical of him.

Um...hello?!? Mrs. Young, since your son has been in the league (this is his third year), he has been statistically the worst passer in the NFL. What would you expect from fans and media? Not to hurt your feelings, but your son is a TERRIBLE QUARTERBACK! As a college player, he was fantastic. A true stud. Perhaps the most physically talented player to ever grace a college campus. As a pro, well, he sucks.

When rumors started about Young wanting to leave school early and enter the NFL Draft, we laughed and laughed often. In college, his throwing motion was that of a girl's -- all elbow. (The fact that texASS coach Lack Crown did not change this is more proof positive he is a pathetic coach.) We were shocked the Titans took him with the third pick. (Truth be told, Fisher and then-offensive coordinator Norm Chow wanted Matt Leinart, but owner Bud Adams overruled them.) Not surprisingly, he has struggled all three of his seasons with the Titans. k

Plain and simple, Young should switch positions. He is not, and never, will be an NFL caliber quarterback. The longer he denies this undeniable fact, the worse off he will be.

Then again, how much worse can it actually get when you are a millionaire professional athlete, but fans hate you and your mother goes to the press to tell people to be nice to you?!?

DeSean Jackson -- Week One...

Osama clearly knows NOTHING about college football...

Note that he calls them the "Nittaly Lions"...Hello!?!

Sunday Morning: 1st & 10

Ten things from yesterday's college football games:

1. Our OU Bruthas were blowing up our BlackBerry late last night. Like us, most of them were watching UTEP host texASS. Not that any of us were hopeful for a Bonghorn loss. Still, when UTEP scored on its first two possessions to go up 6-zip, the game became interesting. Well, for about 10 minutes -- until Lack Crown's boys began to dominate. And just like that we switched over to Arizona State and Stanford. After a few minutes, the BlackBerry exploded for five straight minutes. Our OU brethren wanted to know if we had seen some old fashioned monkey business during the texAss game. ESPN cameras showed some students sitting on rocks over looking the field. And apparently one young co-ed was doing "stuff" to a male student. We quickly cursed ourselves out for switching games. Fret not, someone buzzed me, it had already been YouTubed. I can't tell if she is really doing anything, but it's funny nonetheless. Be sure to listen to ESPN's Bob Davie when he says, "They look like they're having a great time!"

2. Much ado was made about the excessive celebration penalty that (perhaps) cost the Washington Huskies their game against BYU. For those who don't know the story, you obviously did not watch ESPN yesterday. For they talked about it and showed the penalty every five minutes for about seven hours. Washington QB Jake Locker scored on a two yard run with just seconds remaining in the game to cut BYU's lead to 28-27. However, upon scoring, Locker flipped the ball over his shoulders high into the air. Tweet-Tweet. Unsportsmanlike Conduct -- which forced the PAT to be kicked from the 35-yards. Of course, the kick was lower than low and easily stuffed by the Cougars. For the next seven hours, ESPN announcers cried long and hard about how poor Ty Willingham's team had been hosed by the officials. Two things: It was a penalty. Any college player would have been ticketed for the transgression. It's only a big deal because it came on basically the last play of the game and it ended up costing a team a potential victory. Secondly, make the damn kick! Thirty five yards is certainly no normal PAT. But it's a relative chip-shot. At least it ought to be.

3. Next weekend, it will be nice to get the SEC playing some league games. That means we have a 3:30 date with CBS announcers Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson. The former is very good and the latter is simply the best around. (And we still long for the days when he was buddied up with Our Man Splint for the ABC games.)

4. Let the hoop-lah begin for Southern Cal and Ohio State. Let's see: OSU is coming off of a struggle with mighty Ohio. (Despite being favored by 33 points, the Buckeyes won, 26-14.) They probably won't have star running back Beanie Wells. The game is on the West Coast. And, oh yeah -- SC is coming off an early bye week. Yikes! USC 31 OSU 13.

5. We were not overly impressed with Florida's 26-3 win over The U last night. Two things are obvious about Florida this year. 1. They don't want Tim Tebow taking nearly as many hits this season. 2. Teams are forcing him to be a pocket passer -- the one thing that he is not good at. (At least not yet.) Only when Urban Meyer went to three-step drops was Tebow anything remotely special through the air. Look for the entire SEC to counter Florida's Spread Oh with a version of the Spread D. Teams will spread the field sideline to sideline, keeping Tebow in the middle of the field and taking away the deep ball to his receivers. They will dare Tebow to beat them from the pocket with dinky 7-yard passes. The U did a great job at it last night. Unfortunately for them, our NFL Flag Football team (made up of six-year olds) has a better (and more complex) offense.

6. Gonna be a long year in The Big House. They won yesterday, beating powerful Miami of Ohio, by a whopping 16-6 margin.

7. Then again, if Michigan could somehow transfer to the ACC, they would be instant contenders. The latest ACC Embarrassment came when Maryland lost to Middle Tennessee State (Middle Tennessee State?!?), 24-14. Classic.

8. The Maize and Blue would do well in the Big East, too. To wit: Akron 42 Syracuse 28, East Carolina 24 West Virginia 3 and UConn barely beating Temple, 12-9 in OT.

9. Does anyone else remember listening to ABC's Keith Jackson and Frank Broyles in the 80's?!? The best. Simply, the best.

10. Fresno State's Next Victim: Wisconsin.

Last Man Standing: Number 12 is back and so are we!

Ponied up a 50 spot this week to enter the Last Man Standing competition.

Many are familiar with the drill -- though it has multiple different names. Each week, you pick one NFL team to win straight up -- no having to mess around with Wise Guy point spreads.

In our particular league, once you pick a team, you can't select them again for three weeks. So, if you take the Buffalo Bills in week one, for example, you can't pick them again until week four. Your pick has to be in by 3 P.M. every Friday.

And so it was Thursday afternoon we sat down for a whole 10 minutes and plotted The Pick. There were not a lot of games/teams jumping out at us. We took the Eagles off the board, because, well, because we love the Eagles. It's enough having to worry about them losing, without having to worry about it getting us ejected from the league. (One loss and you are history.) We thought long and hard about the taking the Colts at home against the Bears. But with Peyton having missed the whole pre-season, factored in with him having to play without Jeff Saturday, it just was too much of a gamble. (Plus, we loathe the Colts and seldom, if ever, find a reason to cheer for them.)

The Chargers (at home against the Panthers) were tempting. Very tempting. But Norv Turner is, well, Norv Turner. It would be just like him to make us one and done. Finally, both Monday night games seemed like tossups (Denver at Oakland and Minnesota at Green Bay).

So ultimately, we relied on some sound (sound!) advice that was given to us many moons ago: You go with what you know. And we know that Tom Brady is playing at home for the Patriots today, coached by Coach Bill. And we know that on the other side of the field, Brodie Croyle is playing for the Chiefs and coach Herman Edwards.

Our Pick: The New England Patriots.

Saturday Afternoon Accolades

Coming to a BCS school next fall: East Carolina's Skip Holtz.

Coming to the unemployment line before November: Syracuse coach Greg Robinson.

Smartest college football analyst on the planet: ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit.

Dumbest hairdo in college football: Notre Dame's Jimmy Clausen.

Most fun to watch on the sideline: Ole Miss' Houston Nutt.

Next team to get creamed by USC: Ohio State The Ohio State University.

Best high powered offense today: Oklahoma Sooners.

Obese Oprah's Latest Load of Crap!

This is just reason number 1,000 why we absolutely-positively DESPISE Obese Winfrey. She is refusing to have SuperWoman Sarah Palin on her television show. Obese told the New York Post, "At the beginning of this presidential campaign, when I decided that I was going to take my first public stance in support of a candidate, I made the decision not to use my show as a platform for any of the candidates." (Click here to read the story.)

But wait a minute. Obese has already had her girl friend friend Osama on not once, but twice.

And isn't Obese always fighting for more cookies women's rights?!?

Not this time, apparently. Actually, a cynic might jump to the conclusion that Obese's decision to have Osama on but not Palin is a R-A-C-I-S-T one.

Just another reason to loathe Obese Winfrey.

Six things we know to be true...

1. The Phillies officially dropped out of the playoff hunt last night with their 9-7 loss to The Worst Team in Baseball.

2. While that was happening, Sarah Palin was hitting a home run out of the park. By all accounts, her speech was a smashing success.

3. Last week it was Dr Z, now ESPN's Gene Wojciechowski has the Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl.

4. Our first play in the 6-year old Flag Football League next week will be a halfback option pass. And just like that, the rest of the league hate us.

5. Florida will pistol-whip The U this weekend -- something like 40-10.

6. With each passing day, it becomes more obvious the 76ers will be beating meeting the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals this coming season.

Dr. Z has the Eagles going to the Super Bowl?!?

Wow! We'll take it!

Maybe we could teach here...

"Class, today we will be taking a field trip to the beach.

Tomorrow, we will be going to Wawa."

Caption me this...

What's Nick Saban saying to Tommy Bowden

after pistol-whipping his team, 34-10?!?

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A. Sorry, I don't anticipate any job openings on my staff next year.

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B. Don't worry, you can still beat your old man's team. Well, probably.

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C. Good news -- you play in the ACC!

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D. You don't look so good. Are you going to throw-up?

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E. Just think -- if your last name was Jones -- you'd have been fired five years ago!

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Sunday Morning: 1st & 10

Ten things from yesterday's college football games:

1. As we told you last week, the ACC is simply an AWFUL football conference. Virginia Tech and Clemson, two of its unthinkable (or is it unwatchable?) three top 25 teams, got waxed on the opening Saturday. Only Wake Forest, playing mighty Baylor, managed to win. Furthermore, NC State got crushed at South Carolina Thursday night. And Maryland, playing at home, barely defeated I-AA Delaware. Seriously, we are starting to think the MAC may play better ball than the ACC.

2. Even if they do somehow win the Girls Intramural League ACC, Clemson needs to cut bait with coach Tommy Bowden after the season. Anyone who picked the Tigers over Alabama last night was just plain D-U-M-B. Not because they have bad players, but because Bowden is the coach. He is nice enough, and everyone loves his old man, Bobby, but he is simply in over his head. Take a look at him on the sideline. What, exactly, does he do to inspire his players?!? Um, that would be...wait for it...NOTHING. (Nothing!) Nick Saban strikes the fear of devil in his kids. Not coincidentally, his Alabama team kicked the crap out of Bowden's team, 34-10. By the way, maybe Bowden will call you today. Surely, you are better than anyone on his offensive line.

3. Memo to all: Michael Vick no longer plays for Vah Tek. In fact, he is in the hole. The last time the Hokies were any good was when Vick (and we don't mean Marcus) played for them. Back then (way back then), they were a feel good story. Good defense. Very good special teams. And Vick bailed them out offensively with his Freak Athleticism. But for the last eight years, they have been abysmal on offense and people still rank them in the top 20 every year. Listen up: They are (and have been for quite some time) an average D-1 team. And there's nothing wrong with that -- unless of course the free world keeps treating them like a top 20 power.

4. Back to the MAC. Because the game was at home, we figured Pitt would be able to get by Bowling Green. Alas, they did not -- falling 27-17. Unless coach Dave Wannstedt can get the Panthers to a bowl game (any bowl game!), he will be fired by Thanksgiving.

5. Michigan losing in the Big House to Utah showed two things: 1. Coach Rich Rodriguez really, really, needed to get Terrelle Pryor to sign with the Wolverines last winter. His size and athleticism (on display in yesterday's Ohio State win against Youngstown State -- alma mater of Jaws Jaworski) would have been enough for the Maize and Blue to have gotten the W yesterday. 2. Michigan still does not have top-shelf, pure athleticism. How this is possible at a school with the tradition of Michigan is mind boggling. Love him or hate him (and there are both types in Ann Arbor), the Go Blue crowd better hope that RichRod breaks the Michigan mold on the recruiting front and gets some a-t-h-l-e-t-e-s from such fertile grounds as Florida, California, Texas. It's swell to get blue chippers out of Ohio and Pennsylvania, now Michigan needs to go elsewhere and get some speed on both sides of the ball. How does Michigan's athleticism compare to the LSUs of the world? After yesterday's loss at LSU, Appalachian State coach Jerry Moore said, "They're [LSU] so athletic. They didn't play like Michigan. They played like LSU." Ouch. Double ouch.

6. Our beloved Oklahoma Sooners creamed cream-puff Tennessee Chattanooga, 57-2. (We said, 57-2!) Honestly, if we were Bob Stoops, ahead 50-zip at the half, we would have made the push for 100. And that would have showed The World that OU's Back-to-Back-Fiesta Bowl-Fiascos are truly in the rear view mirror. Seriously, Stoopsie should have broken the century mark. We're just saying.

7. Erin Andrews needs to lose the leather vest. The '80s are over. Again, we're just saying.

8. Yes, USC flexed its muscles and smoked Virginia (another ACC team losing a game? Shocking!) yesterday afternoon. And yes, Southern Cal looked lethal on Oh. But if one more person says Mark Sanchez (Hola, amigos!) will be better than Matt "Where the Women at?" Leinart, we are going to go egg someone's house. Will Sanchez be better than John David Booty? Yes. Yes he will will. Probably by tomorrow, in fact. But in Leinart we are talking about one of the five greatest college quarterbacks of all-time! People forget how good he was at SC because he now backs up 55-year old Kurt Warner and makes more news for the hotties in his life off the field than how he makes the hot reads on the field. Mark Sanchez could stay at USC 10 more years and still not be on Leinart's level.

9. We love Dr.J. But we don't need to see his Dr. Pepper commercial 20-plus times every Saturday of college football.

10. And yes, folks, we stayed with college football until about 12:30 this morning (deep into the third quarter of the Washington-Oregon game). Good Gawd, it's great to have college football back!

Sarah Palin? Was Karl Rove even consulted on this?

Karl Rove is a living god. Given time and money, he could get you elected to public office in this country. Any public office -- even the White House. And if he was still pulling strings and calling shots in the shadows for the GOP, we would be totally fine with Big John McCain's gyro ball of a pitch yesterday when he tabbed Sarah Palin (Sarah Palin?!?) as his vice presidential candidate. But, a little over a year ago, Rove decided (or, as rumors go, his wife decided) it was time to get out and return to the home front. He is now penning a memoir and doing some work for Fox News. It's a mortal lock Rove is no longer calling the shots. For it is inconceivable that he would allow the party to have Palin in the number two spot.

The Risks

1. She is anti-abortion. This surely will hurt her with many (all?) female voters.

2. She is young (44). On it's own, that is no big deal, as she is just two years younger than Obama Osama Whose Your Mamma. However, when she stands next to McCain, she reinforces how old he is (72). In fact, she makes him look even older than he really is. It reaks of the daughter leading her old man around because he can no longer get there on his own.

3. She is inexperienced. Palin has a short history of public office. Heck, just 10 years ago, she was a mayor in a small Alaskan town! This certainly will not sink the ticket, but it somewhat handcuffs the Republicans in how far they can carry the argument that Oprah's Little Boy is not experienced enough to run the country.

The Rewards

1. Palin is charismatic. It is not out of the question that she could usurp a large chunk (large!) of Hillary's Trail of Crying Women. She is a mother of five. Her hubby is a...wait for it...fisherman. Clearly, she wears the pants and carries the checkbook around the igloo.

2. Unlike Billary Hillary, she is actually attractive (change the glasses, though) -- a former beauty pageant contestant, no less. Pretty. Brings home the bacon. Mother of five. That package will sell, and sell big, on the campaign trail.

3. She's no Dan Quayle. Rather, she is quite polished in front of the microphone. She will more than hold her own against The Plagiarist errrr, Joe Bin Laden Biden in their October 4 debate.

In summary, yes, we are a bit leery of McCain's pick. Of course, if Karl Rove says he loves it, then SO WILL WE.

Do not disturb!

Watching Dead Poets Society. The annual tradition, which

is the equivalent of a pre-game pep talk for teachers.

Wait no longer - College Football is here!

Yes, despite the calendar still saying August, fall is officially here today, errrrrr, tonight when 14 college football games kick off.

1. Northeastern at Ball State - Ball State's junior QB Nate Davis threw 30 TDs and only 6 picks last season, in addition to 3,667 yards.

2. UTEP at Buffalo - We grew up in Buffalo.

3. Eastern Illinois at Central Michigan - Don't knock the MAC. It's good football.

4. Indiana State at Eastern Michigan - Um...Larry Bird went to Indiana State.

5. Hofstra at UCan't UConn - If UConn can do it, why can't (or is it why doesn't) UMass?!?

6. Jacksonville at Georgia Tech - Tech is always tough on D.

7. Vanderbilt at Miami (Ohio) - UConn's top receiver, Terence Jeffers, transferred to Vanderbilt over the summer. Our only question is...wait for it...why?!?

8. Eastern Kentucky at Cincinnati - We have never eaten mutton.

9. Charleston Southern at Miami (FL) - The U is still not back and won't be at any time this season.

10. Troy at Middle Tennessee - Former OU bad boy recruit Josh Jarboe has moved on to Troy.

11. South Dakota State at Iowa State - We always liked former ISU coach Dan McCarney.

12. NC State at South Carolina - By far the most attractive game tonight (which is, obviously, why it's on ESPN). We love The Head Ball Coach. And for those who consider his college comeback a disappointment, check this out: if you put his Cocks in the ACC, they would win the league going away. (Going Away!)

13. Wake Forest at Baylor - And that's why Wake is actually in the top 25. Because the conference blows!

14. Oregon State at Stanford - Cardinal coach Jim Harbaugh talks trash. Ever see an NFL coach do that?!?

***Two non-college football quick hitters***

Jay Mariotti - Rumors persist that former Chicago Sun Times columnist Jay Mariotti is Boston bound. Now, the rumor has made it into print. Chicago Tribune sports media columnist Phil Rosenthal floated this nugget in the final paragraph of his piece about Mariotti leaving: "One rumor on which Mariotti would not comment had him bound for Boston and an array of multimedia opportunities. How he would find flaws in a city with defending champs in basketball and baseball is anyone's guess."

Wow. Now the guess is where he could land in Boston. He is on record as saying newspapers are near extinction -- which, one would think, eliminates the Boston Globe (which has cut costs and is now down to two columnists -- Bob Ryan and Dan Shaughnessy). The Globe's web site, boston.com, spent big bucks to bring Tony Massarotti over from the Boston Herald (for reasons completely unknown to us, by the way). WEEI has no radio slots open. Its revamped web site, which is now spectacular, already spent big bucks bringing in some big names.

Still, Mariotti's name and personality are huge, thanks to his time on ESPN's Around the Horn. If he wants to come to Boston, someone will shell out the bucks and make room for him.

Phillies - Mets Well, the The Sons of Uncle Charlie (© Dan Shaughnessy) spent one day back in first place before surrendering it back to the Mets last night. The reason? Because Rudy Seanez is, well, Rudy Seanez. Now it's on to Chicago (in a great match-up between Cole Hamels and Ryan Dempster), while the Mets are off tonight before playing the Marlins over the weekend.

Phillies 8 Mets 7

Let's see. You have a 7-zip lead and Pedro Martinez is on the hill for you. In the olden days, the W would have been a mortal lock. Now, however, Pedro is really only good for throwing at batters' heads. And even that has changed. It used to be 94 miles per hour coming at your dome. Now, it's about 85 and change.

And just like that, the Phillies rode 19 hits over 13 innings to beat the Mets, 8-7, and in the process take over first place.

Jimmy Rollins? 5-7, with 3 RBIs and 3 stolen bases. k kkkk
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Chris Coste? 4-4, including the game winning hit.

Eric Bruntlett? 2-2, including a pinch hit double to tie the game in the 9th inning.

Jayson Werth? 3-5, including a two out single to start the rally in the 9th inning.

And the bullpen went 10 innings and yielded...wait for it...1 run.

And if the Phillies manage to defeat ace Johan Santana tonight (to sweep the two game series), it says here they will have broken the collective spirits of the Mets and the race will be over.

The book Osama does NOT want you to read!

Read all about "Obama's extensive connections with Islam and radical politics..."

Odds & Evens Ends...

Wow. The LPGA is going to suspend the memberships of players who don't speak English?!? Oh, my. We wonder how that would fly if companies and businesses instituted the same rule. And didn't the guy from Geno's Steaks get in a heap of trouble for forcing his customers to order in English? What if Whore Stern said Yao couldn't play in the NBA his first year unless he had mastered the English Language?

We honestly watched three minutes of the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. And maybe five minutes of the men's hoop team smoking somebody, followed by perhaps 10 minutes of the closing ceremonies. We are just not big on the Olympics. To make matters worse, Our College Football Guy, Pat Forde, covered the games for espn.com. No big deal, right? Except for the fact that for three weeks he didn't type a single word about football. Today, that situation was corrected. Here's his latest Forde Yard Dash.

While we were in the basement for two weeks, a lot happened. To wit:

-- Gas kept dropping. We paid $3.45 in the basement. Who would have ever thought that would be cause for joy?!?

-- John McCain overtook Obama Osama in the polls. We knew it was only a matter of time before people took Osama for the fraud that he is. While making fun of McCain for not knowing how many houses he owns, Big John shut Osama right up by saying he would be happy to show him where he lived when he was a POW.

-- Shawne Merriman had, like, 17 different opinions on his knee, hoping one sucker doctor would say, "Sure. You can play!"

-- Mike and the Mad Dog split up. The drive time duo on WFAN lasted nearly 20 years before divorcing recently. They were considered the kings of sports talk radio and seemed to be the perfect match. Mike Francessa was (and is) the most knowledgeable guy around. Mad Dog had the passion of a psycho fan and was the perfect foil to Francessa's seriousness with his constant butchering of the English language. But alas, like most Hollywood marriages, EGO got in the way. Francessa stayed with the 'Fan, while rumors are heavy that Mad Dog (AKA Chris Russo) will get a $2-3 million a year gig from Satellite Radio. They will both still be good, but never as good as they were together.

Finally, with Labor(less) Day next week, the fall television season is beginning to wake from it's heated hibernation. Gossip Girl resumes Labor Day night. The new 90210 debuts the following night. We, of course, are especially looking forward to 90210. But we can't help but think it will be a huge disappointment. It will be impossible not to compare it to the original. But while that one had peeps like Brandon, Brenda, Dylan and Steve, the new has Silver (Silver?!?) -- and we don't mean David Silver. Plus, Rob Estes is the new principal. (What -- Mrs. Teasly wanted too much coin for the new show?!?). Estes was (and always will be) the Infamous Loser on Melrose Place who over-acted his way to the bottom and lost Amanda to Dr. Peter Burns. (Who, by the way, is the real guy they should have cribbed from Melrose to be the principal.) And finally, The Office returns September 25.

Our haul from last Tuesday's Phillies game!

Sunday Morning Links

This is classic! Team McCain is already exposing Joe Biden!

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How to save money! Lots of it!

What the top five teams in college football must do to win the championship!

Will Bob Stoops be @ OU for 20 years?!?

Comparing Sam Bradford to Tim Tebow!

Gus Johnson out as Knicks' announcer?!?

Wow! Check out the guest speakers at this b-ball clinic! (And it's only $135?!?)

Jeff Ruland to join 76ers as assistant coach! (Maybe he liked seeing Coach Rick Mahorn fight Lisa Leslie!)

Speaking of the 76ers, the national media now LOVES them!

DeSean Jackson: "Spit on a griddle..."

Wi-Fi, 9.0 - Last day of vacation...

See you next summer!

Wi-Fi, 8.0 - Only on vacation...

As our friend Jen A. Miller says, it's OK to eat like you're on vacation while actually on vacation. With that it mind, here are some of the things we ingested the last two weeks, many of which we would never eat the other 50 weeks of the year! To wit: a Slim Jim, a Pork Roll Sandwich, a huge Italian Sub from Wawa and some Tastykakes.

Wi-Fi, 7.0 - Do you really want to know what's in the ocean with you?!?

Wi-Fi, 6.0 - Postcard from *The AV (*As our 6-year old calls it)

Great weather. Great beaches. Great food. Great time.

Wi-Fi, 5.0 - Back to Avalon Seafood...this time for Steamers

Seriously, how good do those look? And they were gone in less than 10 minutes! Undoubtedly, we will be back for more this week.

Wi-Fi, 4.0 - Dolphins 50 yards off shore

Wi-Fi, 3.0 - Fresh shrimp from Avalon Seafood

$20 a pound and worth every penny.

Wi-Fi, 2.0 - Blackened Swordfish @ Busch's

Wi-Fi, 2.0 - Peace a Pizza

There really is no such thing as bad pizza. But it somehow tastes even better when it's from the shore. Last night, we took the kids to Peace a Pizza down on 97th street. The four of us quickly (and easily) polished of a large pizza. There is a rumor going around that we first stopped at, wait for it...Wawa to have them make a 10 inch Italian sub.

Our response? No comment!

Wi-Fi, 1.0 - Sea of Tranquility

Wi-Fi has arrived in The Basement!

Fret not! And check back soon for tons of good stuff -- including:

A potential Phil "Action" Jackson sighting at the Jersey Shore!

Fresh Steamers!

Basement, 5.0

Bob Stoops: "I don't start chomping at the bit in early June. It gets to be around late July. Mid- to late-July, I've had enough of being relaxed and everything and you're kind of, 'All right, this is kind of boring; I'm ready to go.' "

Basement, 4.0

Don't worry -- good stuff coming.

Basement, 3.0

Not coming up anytime soon.

Basement, 2.0

We like the basement.

Basement, 1.0

Be back later.

Pacman Jones now plays in DALLAS

Who remembers this show?!?

Prepping for stay in basement

Quickies:

1. We join the masses who say ENOUGH! with this Bret Favre crap. Trade him and move on.

2. And is there anyone else who has ever been been offered $20 million to, wait for it...stay retired?!?

3. Funny how when the NFL schedule gets released, it's damn near treated like a national holiday. The NBA releases its games and no one cares.

4. Seriously, HOW LONG does it take a puppy to become house-trained?!?

"You're gonna need a bigger boat."

"There you go, Bill."

Paul Pierce says he is best player in the world

Well, it seems we can never go long without having Fat Boy Pee Pee give us a good laugh. His latest came a few days ago when he told the Ocean County Register, "I'm the best player in the world."

No, really, he did say that -- it's Right Here if you don't believe us.

So that got us thinking: Just how many players (in "the world") are better than Paul Pierce. Let's see:

1. Kevin Garnett -- Yup, Fat Boy Pee Pee is not even the best player on his own team! Seriously, what did Paul Pierce ever do (ever!) before KG came into town? Um, that would be -- NOTHING!

2. Tim Duncan -- He's not as fat fancy on offense as #34. And he has never-ever hopped out of a wheel chair in the NBA Finals, but if you were starting a team right now, would you really take Pierce before Duncan?!? Of course not.

3. LeBron James -- Yes, we know Pierce and the Celtics beat LeBron and the Cavs in the playoffs. But that's because Pee Pee had KG and Ray Allen on his side. LeBron had...um, well let's see. LeBron had...My gosh -- LeBron had NO ONE!

4. Chris Paul -- People who say this is crazy are, in fact, themselves crazy. Or they simply won't admit they don't spend much time watching New Orleans Hornets games.

5. Dwight Howard -- 20 points, 15 boards, 2 blocks, all while facing a 48-minute double team.

6. Steve Nash -- Trade Nash for Pierce and Boston would have won 75 games last season.

OK...hard as we tried, that's it. We will concede that Fat Boy Pee Pee is the seventh best player on the planet. And for those who claim we are biased (some nonsense about us despising the Celtics and loathing Pierce), take note that neither Kobe Bryant or Elton Brand are on this list!