Card Carrying Members of Celtics Nation

Bob Delaney -- I am a real tough guy. In the late '70s I worked as an undercover agent and infiltrated the mob. I am so cool, I wrote a book about it: My Years Infiltrating the Mob. Please go out and buy it. Then I can brag to my fellow zebras that one person actually bought my book. I still like to try and look and act like I am a mobster. And no one can mess with me. That guy, Kobe? He thinks he's all that! Well, I took care of him, didn't I? He had two fouls faster than you can say, "Wise Guy." I am the baddest man on the court. And I let everyone know it. Hey, after all, the fans come to see me, right? Did you notice the Celtics shot 38 foul shots to only 10 for the Lakers? How effing great is that?!? Let's see my boy Bavetta top that.

Kevin McHale -- I was a skinny All-Star for the Cetlics during the glory days of the 1980s. Now, I am an obese, washed-up loser of a G.M. for the Timberwolves. Two seasons ago, my team sucked and my best player, Kevin Garnett, wanted me dead. So what did I do? I traded him to my Best Bud, Danny Ainge, and my former team the Boston Celtics. What did I get in return? Well, let's see. I got a nice player in Al Jefferson. And...well, let me think here for a minute. Gosh, I really didn't get much else for KG. Well, besides a lot of crap and a few death threats from Minnesota fans. But, I'm cool with that. I will certainly never win a title here in Minnesota. And I probably will lose my job in the next year. But I hand delivered a title to Ainge and Boston. That makes me a good G.M., right?

Vladimir Radmanovic -- Most Boston fans had never heard of me a week ago. Now, they know me as the guy with the 1980s haircut and the typical beard that all the foreigners in The League wear. Oh yeah, I am also the guy who can't guard Paul Pierce for crap. It's just sooooo hard. I get in his face and he drives right by me. I back off and he sinks jumpers over me. Man, did Michael Cooper have this much trouble with Larry Bird? I swear, I guard Luke Walton everyday in practice and I shut him down! Now, if you will excuse me -- I am going to go have a smoke with my man Vlade Divac.

Leon Pow Powe -- Man, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but someone is looking out for me. Have you been watching me these first two games? All I have to do is step onto the court and they call a foul on the closest Laker. I got the ball and Phil Jackson did that cool whistle thing with his teeth. Next thing I know, they whistled Phil for a foul and gave me two shots. I walked over to Kobe and inquired as to how the Mrs. was and bam! Kobe gets called for a foul and there I am again at the stripe for two shots. Good Gawd, Man, last night I shot 13 foul shots. That was three more than LA's entire team.