Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Al Michaels: "Do you believe in miracles?!?"

With the Pittsburgh Steelers beating the Baltimore Ravens 23-20 in OT last night, it seems that all eight finalists in Last Man Standing lost this past weekend. As such, all eight are still alive. (Side note: We still hate Dallas!) Not sure yet on this week's pick, mainly because we did not know about our potential second chance until late yesterday afternoon. Do we hop on the Buffalo bandwagon on the road against Arizona? Will the Colts get on track at Houston? Maybe Carolina looks safe at home against the Chiefs?

This will definitely require more research.



Monday, September 29, 2008

Monday's List, 3.0

Things to complain about...

1. Have you heard that the Dallas Cowboys basically cost us $1K? And it's because their brilliant coach, Fat Albert Wade Phillips, felt the need to call timeout and then send 12 defenders out on the field for a crucial third down. That stupid penalty extended Washington's drive and allowed them to eat up another two plus minutes off the clock -- sealing their upset victory.

2. Osama has spiked in the polls following last week's debate. To honor him, we felt it would be appropriate to run this picture of him. How's that for a potential Next President of the United States?!?

3. Our Philadelphia Eagles lost a gimme game to the Chicago Bears last night, 24-20. Yes, they played without their Best Player, Brian Westbrook. But still, when you get stuffed three straight times from the one yard line in the fourth quarter, you deserve to lose. Andy Reid is a decent football coach. But his eye for talent is abysmal. And his loyalty to players is mind boggling. He drafted Correll Buckhalter eight years ago. He has never done ANYTHING, except get injured and specialize in mediocrity. Eight years later, he is still a journeyman taking up a roster spot. Two years ago, he spent a third round pick on Tony Hunt to replace Buckhalter as the power back to complement Westbrook. Hunt got, like, one carry or something last season. This summer, he was moved to fullback. This despite the fact The Entire World admitted he had no idea how to block. All of which brings us to last night. The Eagles trailed, 24-20, and went on a seven minute drive that put them in a second and goal situation from the one yard line. Hunt got stuffed on second down. Buckhalter got stuffed on third and fourth down. Game over. Thanks for wasting our time. Of course, the offensive line must shoulder much of the blame. But shouldn't an NFL running back be able to get ONE YARD ON THREE CARRIES?!? Buckhalter and Hunt both suck. But they will continue to play because Andy Reid's idea of change is to bring back Dorsey Levins. (By the way, check out this scathing critique of Reid's effort last night. Yikes!)

4. Why do Stupid People get all the power? How is it that Missouri and texASS each received a first place vote in the latest top 25 poll?!? How are either of those teams more deserving than Alabama, LSU or Our Sooners? Bama beat Georgia on the road at night -- that alone makes them the best team so far. LSU beat Auburn on the road at night -- that is more impressive than anything Mizzu or the Bonghorns have done. And OU beat No. 24 TCU, as well as Washington on the road. Oh wait, Mizzu beat Illinois of the Bad Big 10. Wow! Now that's impressive. And then they beat...wait for it...Southeast Missouri State, Nevada and Buffalo. Quite the trifecta there. Lack Crown's UT team has defeated Florida Atlantic, UTEP, Rice and a terrible Arkansas team.

5. Our chest is congested.

6. The sun has not come out in five days.

7. Our whole school seems to have a cold. And now we do, too. (Shocker!) It's still September. Who the hell gets a cold in September?!?

8. We feel like crap.

9. Wachovia got bought out by Citigroup.

10. We have to wait six more days until Saturday.

*And then you read stories like the one about Tampa Bay's Matt Bryant and you realize most of your problems really don't amount to much.

So...Hug your kids (or anyone else) and have a Good Day!






Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ducking Fallas!

And that is why we don't gamble. Ordinarily, we would be rejoicing over a Dallas Cowboys loss. We despise T.O. Jerry Jones is a pompous ass. And the refs helped them beat Our Eagles. But today, we took the Cowboys to beat the Washington Redskins in our Last Man Standing league. When the day started, we were one of eight people still alive in the $1,000 winner-take-all pool.


Now, thanks to idiot coaching by Wade Phillips and piss-poor defense, we are O-U-T. Redskins 26 Dallas 24.

WE EFFING HATE DALLAS!

Home Video: Phillies Clinch!

Courtesy of KatAndBill

Sunday Morning: 1st & 10

Ten things from yesterday's college football games:


1. Has the NFL's dreaded PARITY seeped into the collegiate scene?!? Having watched six of the top 25 teams lose, including three of the top 10 (USC, Florida and Georgia), makes that a legitimate concern. And those fools who said we had seen the last of Coach Pete's Trojans, best think again. An early loss combined with an easy Pac 10 schedule will make Southern Cal major power brokers come November.

2. Some people are a lot smarter and funnier than we are. They Play in California was the first site (we think) to notice the hilarity of ESPN's front page Friday morning. It had the words "Beavers" and "Trojans" in the headline, along with a picture of Oregon fans on the field. Among the thousands of students on the field, one held a sign with the name "Erin Andrews" on it. Beavers...Trojans...Erin Andrews. Talk about Sexual Humor...How classic is that?!?

3. Oklahoma, by way of its 35-10 victory over No. 24 TCU (as well as Georgia's loss to Alabama), will take over the top spot in the polls. However, Our Sooners are not without issues. The kicking game and run blocking are BIG question marks. Kick coverage has been awful thus far (that is what happens when you routinely kick the ball to the opponent's 15 yard line). Last night, against a solid TCU defense, the Sooners were held to 61 rushing yards on 30 carries. The Sooners have a bye week this week (they play Baylor -- same thing), before busting heads with Lack Crown's texASS Bonghorns on October 11.

4. Best GameDay sign in Athens yesterday morning? How about this one: "I had a better sign but Phil Fulmer ate it!" Classic. We loved it. Also earning high marks was the picture of Knowshon Moreno in his classic leap-over-the-defender pose. Instead of a defender, he was leaping over the names of the teams the Bulldogs had defeated this season.

5. Of course, they defeated no one last night. Instead, they got pistol-whipped by The Sons of Nick Saban, 41-30. (The Dawgs scored two cheapo-depot touchdowns at the end.) We thought Georgia would win a close one, but we also told you how overrated the Bulldogs' offense is. Getting shutout at halftime, 31-zip, validates our statement. Now, one has to look at how far Alabama can go this season. It still must play at LSU and then home against Auburn (both in November). Until then, they should stay undefeated.

6. The weekly ACC Sucks Report. Question: How bad are you when your best team loses to...wait for it...Navy?!? Answer: So bad, it's not even funny. That's right. It was Navy beating Wake Forest on the road, 24-17. And just for kicks, we will throw in the obligatory Tommy Bowden is a Disgrace footnote. His Clemson Tigers, once thought by some crazy know-nothings to be national contenders (national contenders?!?), lost their SECOND GAME OF THE MONTH -- losing to Mighty Maryland. And what's up with Virginia losing to Duke?!? We are convinced now more than ever that our NFL Flag Football Packers (comprised of a dozen 6-year olds) could gangsta-stomp anyone (ANYONE!) in that weak excuse of a league. Duke, by the way, is undefeated in the conference. And that pretty much sums up the woeful ACC.

7. Your Conference Blows, Part II -- the Big East. Wow, Syracuse jumped ugly on Pitt early yesterday (14-3) and we half expected Panther coach Dave (Love the 'Stache) Wannstedt to get fired at halftime. Lucky for him, the Orange remembered that they are, well, the Orange, and Pitt pulled away in the second half, winning 34-24.

8. Your Conference Ain't That Good, Big 10 style. Your best team (Ohio State) got the crap kicked out of it by USC, which then went out and loss to Oregon. Your second best team, Wisconsin, lost yesterday to Michigan, which has been dreadful this season. Thankfully, the league has Penn State, which has proven to be a good team thus far. (Gave Oregon a beat down earlier and disposed of Illinois last night.) Put the NFL Flag Football Packers in the Big 10 and we come in third behind the Buckeyes and Nittany Lions.

9. People are so quick to declare that storied programs who have fallen on hard times are thisclose to returning to glory. Colorado (maybe not storied, but they had a damn good run in the early '90s) got smoked by Florida State, The U lost at home to North Carolina and Nebraska somehow allowed Virginia Tech 35 points in their home loss to the Hokies. So please (puh-lease) stop telling us those programs are on the cusp of returning to prominence.

10. We end with the obligatory non-college football Phillies reference. We were ready to produce self-induced vomit during the 9th inning of yesterday's Phillies-Nats game. Ahead 4-2, Brad Lidge struck out the first batter and then promptly gave up: a single, a walk, a single and yet another single. That made made it 4-3, with runners on first and second and still only one out. At this point, The Playmaker (sensing defeat), asked, "Who's pitching tomorrow?" Seconds later, J-Roll made a diving stop up the middle to start a division-clinching-6-4-3-double-play! Which means Uncle Charlie can rest Chase Utley and Lidge today and get his rotation of Hamels-Myers-Moyer (16 wins, mind you) ready for next week's playoffs.




Saturday, September 27, 2008

Saturday Morning Facts & Predictions

1. Team 708 continues its quest for the perfect season. We won our game this morning, 9-3. The Playmaker led the way with four goals -- including two in a 60 second span. We are now 3-0.

2. Oklahoma will beat TCU by double digits tonight. The World seems to think TCU can top the powerful Sooners tonight. As usual, We Know Better. We say OU wins, 31-17.

3. Auburn will crush Tennessee. Tennessee, by SEC standards, is a bad team. Auburn, despite having a bad coach, will take out its frustrations over last week's loss to LSU by dominating Phillip's Vols. Auburn 30 Tennessee 10.

4. Clemson hosts Maryland. Honestly, who cares?!?

5. No. 3 Georgia hosts No. 8 Alabama. It is so funny to hear national newspaper and radio people talk about how great Georgia's offense is with Matt "S'cuse me while I hoist this keg" Stafford and Knowshon Moreno. We wish someone (anyone!) would ask them, "Can you name one other player on Georgia's offense?!? How about on the whole roster?!?" Forget Moreno's highlight reel. The fact is, the Bulldog offense has not been that good this year. At times, their offensive line looks high school-esque. As for Alabama -- yes, The Sons of Nick Saban are on their way back to the top. But they are not there yet. They beat...wait for it...Mighty Clemson the first week of the season, which put them into the top 10. Um...all you need to know about Clemson is this: The NFL Flag Football Packers tried to schedule them this year and Clemson was afraid to play a home and home series. Alas, we digress. Georgia will win by double digits, something like 24-14.

Enjoy the games.




Friday, September 26, 2008

Flag Football Game One

Cardinals 12 Packers...wait for it...keep waiting...Packers...13!

Now, that's what we're talking about!

Wow. What a game.

Basic rules of NFL Flag Football: You play two 25 minute halves (running time). On offense, a team starts with the ball on its own 5-yard line. It has four plays to cross mid field. (The length of the field is 40 yards.) If it succeeds, it has four more plays to score. If it fails to do one (or both), it turns the ball over to the other team, who then starts on its own 5-yard line.

We won the coin toss and opted to play defense first and start with the ball in the second half. Our defense came out and did a nice job. The Cardinals crossed mid field, but our stingy Packer defense kept them out of the end zone. Taking the ball at our own five, we sent five kids wide left and split one of our four STARS wide right, in total isolation. The play called for a stop-n-go. The 6-year old ran the pattern perfectly, getting the defender to bite on the stop. Twenty yards later, he waited for the ball to be delivered. (Twenty yards in a 6-year old league is the equivalent of a 40 yard bomb in the NFL.) The quarterback (us...we were the QB for the Packers) launched the ball in a tight spiral and watched as it...wait for it...landed about ONE INCH in front of the diving receiver.

Ugh. So close to a perfect opening play.

Three plays later, we lost the ball on downs. The Cardinals crossed mid field and then quickly scored. Having missed the extra point, they led 6-0. Again the Packer offense stalled. (This time however, we did cross mid field - courtesy of a 20-yard diving pass reception.)

At this point, there were about four minutes left in the half. Because it takes a long time to get 6-year olds set up, four minutes is enough time for maybe five or six plays. At this point, the Head Ball Coach was beginning to get stressed. Two first half possessions on offense had netter ZERO points and a 6-zip deficit.

And then it happened.

On their first play, the Cardinals dropped back to pass and attempted a 7-yard down and out. Unfortunately for them, they chose to throw at The Playmaker. He dropped into coverage, broke on the ball, and made a beautiful leaping pick. Now, with the ball on the Cardinals 12 yard line, the Packers quickly scored to tie the game at six (extra point no good).

In the second half, we scored on a delayed bubble screen up the middle. A one yard pass from us and a 35 yard run by the receiver gave us the lead, 13-6.

We got nothing on our last two possessions (The Playmaker had a nice crossing pattern for about a 10 yard gain.) Finally, with just over a minute left in the game we gave up possession to the cards. One incomplete pass later, they were down to 30 seconds and, most likely, their final play. They decided to do a misdirection running play and their kid tight ropes the sideline, as two Packers fall down and one pulls the kid's flag but can't get the damn thing to come out. Forty yards later, the kid is in the end zone and the clock has expired.

At that point, we were about to puke. It felt like when Boise State got luckier than lucky against Oklahoma two years ago. The game was ours and now it was about to be ripped away.

The Cardinals decided to go for two and the W. (We would have done the same.) We doubled their best kid (the one who just scored). The coach/QB finds the open receiver, who, much to our horror, catches it. Our father (The Playmaker's Poppop) screams (as do we), "BALL!" -- the universal signal to the Packer defenders that someone has the ball and they need to leave their men and pull his flag. At once, three Packers fly toward the kid, who has caught the ball on the two yard line. One kid goes for the flag, while the other two tackle him.

Game over. Packers win! Packers win!

One-and-oh, baby!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Can you live in that moment?

Heading: How to fire up a bunch of six year old flag football players. (Or at least their coach.)

































Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Steven Keaton: Father of the year?!?

SJHJR24 e-mailed at dawn this morning (no lie) to take issue with yesterday's listing of Top Television Fathers. He wondered why Steven Keaton was left off the list. And we admit that we dropped the ball. Any TV Junkie from the '80s would surely place him on the list. So...

Steven Keaton, Family Ties -- Would have contended for the top spot, except for the fact that he was a die-hard liberal (much to the chagrin of conservative son Alex) who ran the local public television station. Otherwise, he fills the bill. Father of three kids. Excellent morals. Married to a pretty wife (Elyse). But the best part about Mr. Keaton were his classic lines. To wit:

(To brother Rob) "So, which is it? Uncle Rob or Disco Bob?"

(To Alex, who claimed he could explain why he had a huge bash while his parents were away) "Oh, can you?...There was a kangaroo in my living room!"

(To daughter Mallory's boy friend Nick, who said he doesn't "do school") "Can you expand on that?!?"

*If anyone else has any TV Fathers to submit, feel free to e-mail or leave a comment.



Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tuesday List, 2.0

Top Television Fathers

1. Sandy Cohen, The OC -- The guy married well, as wife Kirsten (below) was a babe and filthy rich. He helped the helpless and hopeless as a public defender. And he kept his kids well grounded and with morals.

2. Jim Walsh, Beverly Hills 90210 -- Unlike Sandy Cohen, Jim Walsh had to work for every penny he earned. He, too, gave his kids a moral compass and made sure they followed it (for the most part). Heck, who will ever forget when he went to Dylan's house and attempted to physically drag Brenda home from their sleepover?!? Alas, his one mistake was sending Brenda to Paris in an attempt to get her to break up with Dylan. Sandy Cohen never pulled such a stunt.

3. Howard Cunningham, Happy Days -- Back in the day, Mr. C had it going on. He owned and ran his own hardware store. His son Richie was the perfect son. Daughter Joanie was anything but perfect, but Mr. C loved her just as much as he did Richie. He even was a father figure to Fonzie. His only mistake? Mrs. Cunningham never looked like Kirsten Cohen.

4. Rush Sanders, Beverly Hills 90210 -- Rush was the father of Steve Sanders. He was corrupt, financially loaded and void of all morals (remember when he cheated against Barry Bonds in golf?!?). In short, he was OUR KIND OF GUY!

5. Tom Bradford, Eight is Enough -- He raised eight kids, all of whom came with baggage. He even helped Tommy's friend, Ernie, by telling him he had a drinking problem. What a guy.

6. Mike Brady, The Brady Bunch -- Similar to Tom Bradford, he remarried and raised a big (six) family. Tom was better, however, because he was a newspaper columnist. Mr. Brady was an architect...B-O-R-I-N-G.

7. Coach Taylor, Friday Night Lights -- We Love Coach Taylor. The leadership he gives those boys on and off the field in Dillon, Texas is first rate. He kicked Riggins out of practice because he was loaded. He got Smash to stop using steroids. And he had to endure his quarterback dating his daughter. Oh yeah -- his wife is hot, too. That counts for a lot around here. Just ask Mr. Cunningham Sandy Cohen.

8. Bobby Ewing, Dallas -- He paid HUGE bucks to illegally adopt a baby boy (Christopher). Then he stupidly divorced Pam for Priscilla Presley. But then Pam woke up and realized that season was all a dream and she and Bobby were still together. Pretty cool, eh?!? Bobby was the one Ewing Man who actually had integrity. (Well, assuming you can over look the fact he illegally bought his son.)

9. Jack Geller, Friends -- He lectured Ross about lesbians and helped Monica lose weight.

10. Coach Reeves, The White Shadow -- OK, Coach Reeves was never married and didn't have any kids. Still, he was The Dad of every player on his Carver High basketball team. He talked Coolidge out of jumping to the NBA. He blew the whistle when Salami was abusing (and sharing) his pain killers. And he kept everyone afloat when Jackson got shot and killed in the liquor store. We always kind of figured he would hook up with Cybil, the assistant principal. He never did, though. Bummer.



Monday, September 22, 2008

The Pats and Boo Weekley

In addition to the Eagles squeaking one out over the Steelers, and the Phillies getting closer to the playoffs, two other events captured our attention this past weekend.

It seems like forever since the New England Patriots were dominated in a football game. In yesterday's 38-13 loss to the Miami Dolphins, dominated doesn't even begin to describe what happened on the field. Miami punched the Pats in the face not once, but, like, 50 times. And each time, New England failed to respond.

The fact that they struggled on offense is not surprising, given the fact that Matt Cassel is playing in place of Tom Brady. However, raise your hand if you thought the defense would have trouble with the Dolphins. Yet, time and time again, play after play, Miami ran the ball down the throats of Bill Belichick's defense. Mortal Ronnie Brown and the infamous Ricky "Don't Bogart that Joint" Williams chewed up six, seven, eight yards at a time. On average, the Pats gave up six yards per carry on the ground! Last year, we were on record as saying Richard Seymour stole money by seldom showing up in games. Yesterday was more of the same. Even worse, teammates Vince Wilfork and Ty Warren joined Seymour in his favorite game of "Yes, I will line up on the field, but I don't really feel like playing today!"

On offense, there are three areas of concern:

1. Cassel was off target on nearly every throw yesterday. Compare that to Chad Pennington, who six weeks ago was unemployed. He completed 17-20 passes (85 percent!). We know Cassel's not Tom Brady. But we shouldn't expect him to throw the ball like Kyle Brady, either.

2. The inability to get the ball to Randy Moss. The Moss Man had (yet) another ho-hum game yesterday -- catching four passes for...wait for it...24 yards. After three games, #81 has 12 catches and one TD. Last year, that was a typical game for Moss. Yes, he is being double teamed, but he has battled that since middle school. At some point Cassel needs to simply heave the ball up and have the confidence that Moss will go get it.

3. How long will Moss be a team player? No one will say it, but all of New England is holding its breath to see if Moss will become Bad Randy. With the Vikings and Raiders, when things didn't go well for Moss, he became, well, he became a turd. Last year, he was the Model Citizen. But it's easy to be that when you and Tom Brady are breaking records left and right. How will Moss respond as losses begin the mount, but receptions don't?!?

Onto the Ryder Cup...


We don't hide our lack of interest in golf (either watching or playing), but we do enjoy the Ryder Cup. Saturday we watched for a bit, in between heavy doses of college football (shocker!). Yesterday, we digested a lot of the links. During commercials of the Patriots game, we clicked over to the golf. Once the football game was over, we went exclusively with the Ryder Cup. There's something about individuals coming together in the name of Our-Country-is-better-than-your-whole-damn-continent! that makes for fascinating viewing. We are Americans, so we pull for America. Heading into the weekend, we knew a whopping total of four out of the 12 guys playing for the Stars and Stripes: Phil Hefty Mickelson, Jim Furyk, Justin Leonard and Anthony Kim. Everyone knows Mickelson. We remember Leonard because of his 1999 putt in Brookline. Kim is an Oklahoma Sooner -- 'nuff said. We don't know why we know Furyk, but we do. The other eight guys? No clue. But seriously, how can you not like a guy like Boo Radley Weekley?!? He plays, he plays well, he plays with emotion and excitement. Who didn't get jacked when he pumped his fists and flexed his guns for all the Euros to admire?!? Further, golf is the gentlemen's sport. Fans cheer for and are respectful of everyone. But in the Ryder Cup, that goes out the window. Fans let loose yesterday after every missed Euro putt. (And who will ever forget everyone's favorite Euro to hate, Monty, whining to everyone in 1999 about how mean and rude the American fans were?!?)

We don't lock in for the entire three days, but we definitely follow and enjoy the Ryder Cup. As W says, God Bless America.




Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sunday Morning: 1st & 10

Ten things from yesterday's college football games:

1. We told you Lester and LSU would go on the road and defeat Tommy Tubberville and Auburn. Never a doubt in our mind. We knew everything would be fine immediately following the opening kickoff. Tubberville's Troops, buoyed by Tommy T's wondrous coaching skills, did the unthinkable. They -- wait for it...they...wait a bit longer -- they were offsides on the kickoff!. How is that even humanly possible?!? LSU 26 Auburn 21. By the way, that's six straight wins against top 10 teams for Lester (six straight!).

2. Staying in the SEC, Florida has yet to be tested, but the fact remains the Gators are slapping teams around without getting HUGE numbers from Tim Tebow. Great for Urban Meyer. Scary for the SEC.

3. Still staying in the powerful SEC, we were right (again) when Georgia topped Arizona State. How anyone could have thought this would be even remotely close is mind boggling. The Dawgs rolled, 27-10. ASU should just go ahead and accept its annual invitation to the Mediocrity Bowl. Georgia, on the other hand, hosts the Sons of Nick Saban next week. (Wow -- let's hope the work week flies by.)

4. When Our Man Splint, Brent Musberger, greets us every Saturday night on our couch with, "You are looking live..." we damn near pass out from euphoria. Seriously. We're just saying.

5. Boise State 37 Oregon 30. We still wanna puke when we watch Boise, but we actually cheered for them in this one. Oregon and its ultra smug, ultra slimy coach Mike Bellotti, could lose 100 games in a row and we would still want them to lose more games.

6. When we listen to Holly Rowe and every other sideline reporter in football, we can't help but think their every waking thought is, "We hate Erin Andrews."

7. Best College GameDay sign at Auburn yesterday morning? Ryan Perrilloux for Heisman. Clever. Very clever.

8. Memo to Florida State: Go out and get some blockers, a blue blood running back and a solid D-1 QB. This has gone beyond pathetic.

9. Off topic: The Phillies topped the Marlins, 3-2, and are now in first place over the Mets by one-half game and lead the Brewers for the Wild Card by 3 games.

10. Off Topic (one more time): You gotta love those white, skin-tight, see-through pants the Euros are wearing in the Ryder Cup. Maybe that's why Monty didn't make the team.




Saturday, September 20, 2008

What will (and won't) happen today

1. Florida will top Tennessee by double digits. Urban Meyer has never lost to the Vols since coming to the Gators. He will win again today. And tomorrow, Tennessee Nation will resume its bitching about Coach Phillip.

2. Georgia will win on the road against Arizona State. The World seems to think the Sun Devils have a leee-git shot to upset the third ranked Bulldogs. Unlike us, The World must not have stayed up late last Saturday night to watch Dennis Erickson lead ASU to defeat against oh-so-not-powerful UNLV. (UNLV?!?) Georgia ain't great. But ASU ain't even good.

3. Wake Forest will squeak by Florida State tonight. In a fascinating game (ESPN2, 7 PM), we agree with Messiah Herbstreit on this one: Until FSU proves us wrong, we simply won't pick them in a big game.

4. Notre Dame battles Michigan State. Two predictions: 1. This game will be boring. 2. Win or lose, Party Boy Jimmy "Pass me a red cup" Clausen will be hoisting a few dozen cold ones tonight.

5. Kansas will destroy Sam Houston State. Furthermore, Sam Houston QB Rhett Bomar, the former Party Boy at OU, won't even remember the game tomorrow morning.

6. UMass will pistol-whip host Texas Tech. (***Just seeing if you were paying attention...)

7. LSU will get by Auburn. A HUGE SEC game on a fall Saturday night. That, ladies and gents, is The Essence of College Football -- tons of hot chicks...crazy fans who, perhaps, have had some bottled fluid intoxicants...speed all over the field. It will be a low scoring affair. In fact, there is a distinct possibility Auburn may never cross mid-field. Ultimately, Lester coaches for LSU. And Auburn is coached by...wait for it...the immortal Tommy Tubberville (Tommy Tubberville!). That is what's known as the Ultimate Mismatch.






Friday, September 19, 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Check this out...

Sent in by SJHJR24. Hilarious!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Three and out...

1. It's ironic about the Republican Presidential Situation. Big John McCain was kind of treading water until the day he picked Sara Palin to join the ticket. Since then, well, quite honestly -- he has kicked Obama Osama's ass all over the field. Had he selected Our Guy Mitt, we are pretty sure he would still be trailing in the polls. However, Mitt may be the one guy who can get This Country out of the economic slump it is in.

2. In the span of three hours last Sunday, people went from saying the world was ending for the Patriots to, "Wow, they will make the playoffs this year!" We called it from the beginning (and a few others did, too). Yes, Tom Brady is a living god. But the peeps around him are pretty damn good, too. And did people really think that Coach Bill was just going to throw in the towel and concentrate on his lady friend(s)?!? Pul-lease. That team is going 10-6 and winning the AFC East. (That does not mean we have changed our mind on Laurence Maroney. New England would be wise to go with Sammy Morris and LaMont Jordan.)

3. Huge game for the Phillies tonight with J.A. Happ taking the mound in place of Kyle Kendrick, who was been ineffecive for, well, the entire season. If the Phillies can top the Braves tonight, they will be in great shape heading into the final 10 days of the season.




Tuesday, September 16, 2008

What we learned about the Philadelphia Eagles last night...

1. The offense of the Eagles is pretty explosive.

2. The only player who can stop DeSean Jackson is, well, DeSean Jackson.

3. Brian Dawkins is no longer the player he once was -- at least not in pass coverage.

4. The offense misses injured receiver Kevin Curtis a bit, but it does not miss Reggie Brown AT ALL.

5. Donovan McNabb is healthy and better than ever.

6. David Akers has regained his form.

7. Defensive coordinator Jim Johnson will have to get crafty to tighten up the D.

8. The refs wanted Dallas to win. Seriously...they did. It was OBVIOUS.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Monday's List, 1.0

THINGS WE'LL NEVER DO...

1. Pay to attend a hockey game.

2. Wear a fanny-pack.

3. Cheer for the Boston Celtics.

4. Clip a cell phone to our belt.

5. Wear one of those stupid cell phone Bluetooth things around our ear.

6. Willingly pick up the phone and call someone (anyone!).

7. Own a mini-van.

8. Dress like Jim Tressel.

9. Watch Obese Winfrey's left-wing-communist television show.

10. Get a tattoo.



Sunday, September 14, 2008

Sunday Morning: 1st & 10

Ten things from yesterday's college football games:

1. Yesterday, we did a feature on the Big Names who would be on the sidelines for the USC - Ohio State game. We questioned how safe it was for Greg Oden to be on the field. We wrote: "If we're Portland G.M. Kevin Pritchard, we don't want Gee Oh anywhere near the sideline. How many times have we seen a play go out of bounds and some clueless civilian with a press pass gets taken out at the legs and ends up sprawled out on the ground? Is that really what Portland wants?!?" Well, did you all see Uncle Charlie go down in the Notre Dame - Michigan game? Now, do you see what we were talking about?!?

2. After coaching the six-year olds to a 6-4 season opening day win, we hustled home with The Playmaker to watch College GameDay, followed by the noon time games. We started with the NC State at Clemson match-up. Nothing like some high quality ACC football to start off the afternoon, right?!? Let' see: On the first play of the game, Clemson quarterback Cullen Harper threw a pass directly into the hands of Maryland linebacker Nate Iriving, who took the pick all the way into the end zone. On the next play, the extra point was blocked by Clemson. The third play resulted in an off-sides penalty by the Wolfpack. Ahh...the beauty of ACC Football.

3. Buffalo came back to beat Temple on a Doug-Flutie-Last-Pass-of-the-Game-Play. Poor Temple. How much worse can it get?!?

4. The 3:30 games came on and here's what was offered: Michigan at Notre Dame (NBC), Georgia at South Carolina (CBS) and...wait for it...Penn State at Syracuse (ABC). What?!? Ex-squeeze me?!? Why in the name of Dick McPherson is Syracuse on TV?!? Ever?!? Why?!? For the foreseeable future (certainly long after Greg Robinson gets fired next month), there is NO LOGICAL REASON WHY A SYRACUSE FOOTBALL GAME SHOULD BE ON ABC AT 3:30 IN THE AFTERNOON.

5. We were not the least bit impressed with the Dawgs of Georgia. In fact, if the Head Ball Coach had a decent QB and/or a running back who did not try to leap into the end zone from the 3-yard line, South Carolina would have given Georgia an L on its resume. There is no way that team is making it to the National Championship Game.

6. Fresno State coach Pat Hill is a great football coach. A real tough guy who teaches his kids to play tough. But he made a huge mistake pumping up the magnitude of the Bulldogs' game against tenth ranked Wisconsin. Hill went so far as to call the game the biggest in the history of Fresno State football. Maybe if he had downplayed the pressure a bit, rookie kicker Kevin Goessling would not have missed three field goals, including a late 35 yarder, in a 13-10 loss to the Badgers.

7. Ninth ranked Auburn completely blew out Mississippi State, 3-2 (3-2!). Wasn't new offensive coordinator Tony Franklin supposed to be the barefooted kicker for the Philadelphia Eages The Savior? Genius Head Coach Tommy Tubberville's post game thoughts? "It was a true defensive game." Seriously, he said that. We did not make that up.

8. USC 35 Ohio State 3...Um, don't say we didn't warn you. In fact, we damn near hit the score on the head. (Remember reading last Sunday's 1st & 10?!?) And spare us with all the "Beanie Wells didn't play" junk. You want to know a dirty little secret? Coach Pete has two tailbacks (Joe McKnight and Stafon Johnson) who are better than ole Beanie. If one of them missed the game, the result would have been the same. Hell, if SC's top five tailbacks missed the game, nothing would have changed. Thankfully, we now no longer have to worry about having to watch the Buckeyes get smoked in the championship for a third straight year.

9. In the battle of My Conference Sucks Less Than Yours, UConn from the Little Big East pistol-whipped Virginia of the ACC, 45-10. Ouch.

10. And finally, we got our first live look at Your Oklahoma Sooners. They rolled up on Washington, hanging half a hundred (55, actually) on the Huskies. ESPN's Todd Blackledge could not stop foaming at the mouth over OU's new no-huddle offense. (We love Todd, by the way.) And he astutely pointed out that most (all?) spread/no huddle offenses only do one thing well -- usually passing. And for sure, Sam Bradford can pick you apart all game long, slinging darts to Juaquin "To all the Girls I've Loved" Iglesias, Jermaine Gresham and Ryan "Fill it with unleaded" Broyles. However, OU can also stick the ball in the belly of future All-American running back DeMarco Murray, who can run through you or by you. And then they hit you with back-up Chris Brown. He merely averaged 8.2 yards per carry, Bogarting 107 yards on just 13 carries. Defensively, they still have some pass coverage breakdowns -- but it is dang near impossible to run the ball on them. You will not find a faster defensive unit in The World.

We're just saying...





Saturday, September 13, 2008

A Who's Who of VIP Sideline Peeps at Tonight's USC-OSU Game

ESPN.com's Ted Miller has posted who will be getting VIP Sideline Passes for tonight's mega-hyped tilt between USC and Ohio State. Here are some of the names that caught our eye: (Miller's entire list is right here.)

1. Isiah Thomas - Isiah Thomas?!? Are you frigging kidding us?!? Why in the name of Paul Hackett would SC give a pass to Zeke? Since he retired from the Detroit Pistons everything he has been connected to has, well, it has sucked. Nothing but bad karma can come Southern Cal's way from this.

2. Nick Lachey - He's only there to scoff Matt Leinart's sloppy seconds. And there will be plenty of those, to be sure.

3. Rodney Peete - And he's only there to hit up the tailgating buffet lines. Good gawd, man, you were once an NFL QB. Mix in a few salads and start humping the eliptical.

4. Greg Oden - If we're Portland G.M. Kevin Pritchard, we don't want Gee Oh anywhere near the sideline. How many times have we seen a play go out of bounds and some clueless civilian with a press pass gets taken out at the legs and ends up sprawled out on the ground? Is that really what Portland wants?!?
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5. Jamie Foxx - He played Tubbs in the movie version of Miami Vice. We would prefer to have Don Johnson, who, of course, was Crockett on TV version, on the sidelines. Plus, his character was a former college All American wide receiver.

6. Marcus Allen - We can only hope that Marcus brings His Man AC Cowlings with him. We can never get enough of AC.

7. Dennis Thurman - We are, undoubtedly, the only ones who remember Thurman as #32, the dirty hard hitting safety from the Dallas Cowboys in the early '80s.

8. Amare Stoudemire - Ironic that the guy who never even went to college will be at the game.

9. Fonzie - Arthur (as Mrs. C always called him) is a leeee-git USC backer.

10. Eddie George - The good will ambassador from Ohio State. We predict he will one day be the athletic director there.

11. Denzel Washington - "A good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood."

12. Anna Rawson - Or is it Andre Dawson? Long live The Hawk. (And for those of you asking, "Who the hell is Mel Kiper Anna Rawson?!?" -- well, she is an SC alum and the hottest golfer on the Ladies European Tour.)

13. Todd Marinovich - It will be good to see Marijuanavich back in The Coliseum, where he once got stoned played. We can only wonder what he will show up with: 1. His surfboard and guitar 2. A McDonald's cheeseburger 3. A plastic Ziploc bag full of weed 4. A dartboard with a picture of his father (Marv) on it.



Friday, September 12, 2008

Wrong, Rick, Wrong!

We loved reading Rick Reilly's stuff when he owned the back page of Sports Illustrated. Witty. Sarcastic. Knowledgeable. Simply put, he got it. Then one day, we heard him on the Jim Rome (radio) Show. We liked his written words a lot better than his spoken ones. On the air, he came off a bit all-knowing, and anyone who disagreed with him simply wasn't smart enough to understand his point.

A few months ago, he jumped ship from SI and landed at...wait for it...ESPN-DOT-COM. (Shocking, we know.) And since then, we've kind of lost track of him. But last night, we were poking around the site and came upon his story about which teams rule their cities.

Our current phrase these days is, "You go with what you know..." And so it was with fascination that we looked at his entries for Philadelphia and Boston.

Of course, he had them all wrong. Not surprising, because it's near impossible to have your pulse on every major city. Except for the fact that Reilly, yet again, made it seem like he knew everything about, well, everything. And with Philly and Boston, at least, he is off. Way off.

Here is his take on Philadelphia: "Used to be Eagles, now it's Phillies. This is partly because of the Phils' young stars and partly because the Iggles owner has handed it to them. Jeffrey Lurie is a Boston guy who's made $800 million so far on his Eagles purchase but not many friends. You always get the feeling that his jet bound for his beloved Beantown is double-parked."

Um. Whatever, Rick.

1. Philly has always been an Eagles Town. Seriously, have you ever heard of fans going to an Eagles game and doing Phillies cheers?!? Of course not. But anytime the Phillies are getting blown out, you can count on some faction of fans breaking out with, "E-A-G-L-E-S!" chants often and loud.

2. True, Philly Peeps don't like Jeff Lurie. But they hated Norman Braman with a passion. Yet, they never let that dissuade them from cheering for the team.

3. No one in Boston ever (ever!) refers to Boston as Beantown!

For Boston, he typed: Red Sox. Once, Boston was a hockey town, and Orr's Bruins ruled. It's never been a Celtics town—despite Russell and Bird—partly because of the finally fading racism. Patriots? Pssshhht. They're not even in Boston. The Red Sox, though, sell out a cramped, rusted ballpark as though there were Hope Diamonds under every seat. Says longtime Boston sports yakker Eddie Andelman: "Who can have a decent conversation about anything else?"

Wow. We're not sure where to even begin.

1. It is a FACT that in the 1980s the Celtics and Larry Bird frigging owned the city! (Frigging owned!) Anyone who says differently, has no idea what they're blabbing about.

2. Now, Boston is a Patriots Town. During the last six days, no one has talked or written about anything other than Tom Brady's season-ending injury. Nothing about JD's bad back. Nothing about Lowell's return. Nothing about Papelbon's recent closing woes. Not a word about catching the Rays for first place. Nope. Nothing. Zilch. It's been All-Brady. All-the-Time.

3. Anyone who cites Eddie (Hi, how-are-ya?) Andelman as a reference for anything sports related is just plain clueless. My Dad told me that about 35 years ago, when there was no such thing as sports talk radio, Andelman had a Sunday night call-in show. If so, that was certainly the last time he was a person of relevance on the Boston Sports Scene. WEEI's rise to dominance coincided with Andelman's departure.

So now you know.



Thursday, September 11, 2008

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The pathetic tale of Vince Young

We're not into ripping people. Really, we're not.

Well, OK. We're not into ripping people we like.

And, as a rule, we try not to rip college kids.

All of which brings us to Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young. Maybe you heard that ole VY (OU fans use to taunt him by calling him TV) doesn't seem to be doing well lately. Not on the field. And certainly not off the field.

In last week's opening effort, TV, oops, VY went 12-22 for...wait for it...a whopping 110 yards. He also threw two picks and one touchdown. His Titans won, but Young was booed by the hometown fans. Rumors of Young begging out of the game flogged him. He actually did leave the game with a knee injury. Even then, cynics felt he was jaking it and looking for an excuse to get off the field. (Today, it was announced Young has an MCL sprain.)

But that is not the interesting (or is it pathetic?) part of the story. Monday night, some 24 hours after his horrific game, Young seemingly disappeared. Members of his family were so fearful that they alerted the Titans. Coach Jeff Fisher quickly called the police. A Nashville police spokesman said Young's family was, "concerned with his emotional well-being." Young was later found at a friend's house where, according to his agent, he was eating chicken wings. Oh, yes. They also found a gun in his car.

Very Nice...

Today, Young's mother (Felicia Young) went to the press and said her son is "hurting inside and out...he needs a lot of love and support. " She also said he may no longer want to play football.

Oh, my...

Mom then went on to blame her son's problems on the fans and media who have been critical of him.

Um...hello?!? Mrs. Young, since your son has been in the league (this is his third year), he has been statistically the worst passer in the NFL. What would you expect from fans and media? Not to hurt your feelings, but your son is a TERRIBLE QUARTERBACK! As a college player, he was fantastic. A true stud. Perhaps the most physically talented player to ever grace a college campus. As a pro, well, he sucks.

When rumors started about Young wanting to leave school early and enter the NFL Draft, we laughed and laughed often. In college, his throwing motion was that of a girl's -- all elbow. (The fact that texASS coach Lack Crown did not change this is more proof positive he is a pathetic coach.) We were shocked the Titans took him with the third pick. (Truth be told, Fisher and then-offensive coordinator Norm Chow wanted Matt Leinart, but owner Bud Adams overruled them.) Not surprisingly, he has struggled all three of his seasons with the Titans. k

Plain and simple, Young should switch positions. He is not, and never, will be an NFL caliber quarterback. The longer he denies this undeniable fact, the worse off he will be.

Then again, how much worse can it actually get when you are a millionaire professional athlete, but fans hate you and your mother goes to the press to tell people to be nice to you?!?





Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Monday, September 8, 2008

Osama clearly knows NOTHING about college football...

Note that he calls them the "Nittaly Lions"...Hello!?!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Sunday Morning: 1st & 10

Ten things from yesterday's college football games:

1. Our OU Bruthas were blowing up our BlackBerry late last night. Like us, most of them were watching UTEP host texASS. Not that any of us were hopeful for a Bonghorn loss. Still, when UTEP scored on its first two possessions to go up 6-zip, the game became interesting. Well, for about 10 minutes -- until Lack Crown's boys began to dominate. And just like that we switched over to Arizona State and Stanford. After a few minutes, the BlackBerry exploded for five straight minutes. Our OU brethren wanted to know if we had seen some old fashioned monkey business during the texAss game. ESPN cameras showed some students sitting on rocks over looking the field. And apparently one young co-ed was doing "stuff" to a male student. We quickly cursed ourselves out for switching games. Fret not, someone buzzed me, it had already been YouTubed. I can't tell if she is really doing anything, but it's funny nonetheless. Be sure to listen to ESPN's Bob Davie when he says, "They look like they're having a great time!"



2. Much ado was made about the excessive celebration penalty that (perhaps) cost the Washington Huskies their game against BYU. For those who don't know the story, you obviously did not watch ESPN yesterday. For they talked about it and showed the penalty every five minutes for about seven hours. Washington QB Jake Locker scored on a two yard run with just seconds remaining in the game to cut BYU's lead to 28-27. However, upon scoring, Locker flipped the ball over his shoulders high into the air. Tweet-Tweet. Unsportsmanlike Conduct -- which forced the PAT to be kicked from the 35-yards. Of course, the kick was lower than low and easily stuffed by the Cougars. For the next seven hours, ESPN announcers cried long and hard about how poor Ty Willingham's team had been hosed by the officials. Two things: It was a penalty. Any college player would have been ticketed for the transgression. It's only a big deal because it came on basically the last play of the game and it ended up costing a team a potential victory. Secondly, make the damn kick! Thirty five yards is certainly no normal PAT. But it's a relative chip-shot. At least it ought to be.

3. Next weekend, it will be nice to get the SEC playing some league games. That means we have a 3:30 date with CBS announcers Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson. The former is very good and the latter is simply the best around. (And we still long for the days when he was buddied up with Our Man Splint for the ABC games.)

4. Let the hoop-lah begin for Southern Cal and Ohio State. Let's see: OSU is coming off of a struggle with mighty Ohio. (Despite being favored by 33 points, the Buckeyes won, 26-14.) They probably won't have star running back Beanie Wells. The game is on the West Coast. And, oh yeah -- SC is coming off an early bye week. Yikes! USC 31 OSU 13.


5. We were not overly impressed with Florida's 26-3 win over The U last night. Two things are obvious about Florida this year. 1. They don't want Tim Tebow taking nearly as many hits this season. 2. Teams are forcing him to be a pocket passer -- the one thing that he is not good at. (At least not yet.) Only when Urban Meyer went to three-step drops was Tebow anything remotely special through the air. Look for the entire SEC to counter Florida's Spread Oh with a version of the Spread D. Teams will spread the field sideline to sideline, keeping Tebow in the middle of the field and taking away the deep ball to his receivers. They will dare Tebow to beat them from the pocket with dinky 7-yard passes. The U did a great job at it last night. Unfortunately for them, our NFL Flag Football team (made up of six-year olds) has a better (and more complex) offense.

6. Gonna be a long year in The Big House. They won yesterday, beating powerful Miami of Ohio, by a whopping 16-6 margin.

7. Then again, if Michigan could somehow transfer to the ACC, they would be instant contenders. The latest ACC Embarrassment came when Maryland lost to Middle Tennessee State (Middle Tennessee State?!?), 24-14. Classic.

8. The Maize and Blue would do well in the Big East, too. To wit: Akron 42 Syracuse 28, East Carolina 24 West Virginia 3 and UConn barely beating Temple, 12-9 in OT.

9. Does anyone else remember listening to ABC's Keith Jackson and Frank Broyles in the 80's?!? The best. Simply, the best.

10. Fresno State's Next Victim: Wisconsin.