Five...

1. Phillies! Just 11 more wins until we get another parade. As long as Halladay doesn't hyperventilate today, we should be in good shape.

2. Eagles! When we coach soccer, we have Our Father standing with us on the sideline. His only job is to let us know when five minutes are up and it's time to sub. Why don't the effing Eagles have a coach whose only job is to handle clock management for Coach Andy?!? 'Cause Big Boy clearly can't do it on his own.

3. Patriots! Vintage Coach Bill. You don't want to be here?!? Then get the hell out. Bye, Randy Moss. (Yet, couldn't they squeezed the Vikings for one more draft pick?!? How about a 3rd this year and next year?!?)

4. Your Flag Football Bucs! We got rained out again last night. (Maybe Mother Nature is jealous of our ass-kicking 46 defense?!?) Rest assured we have a great game plan for tomorrow night, including a receiver reverse that ends in a (scoring) pass to ... wait for it ... the quarterback.

5. Fantasy! In our Play for Pay league, we improved our record to 4-0. However, Tom Brady has the bye week on Sunday and we have to play the second best team in the league. After scouring the waiver wire, we have decided to sit tight and go with Sam Bradford (17 points last week). In our other NFL league, we got screwed. We started Michael Vick, who promptly got hurt. And our opponent had the Patriots defense. Normally that would be an automatic W for us, but, of course, the Pats D came up with a mind-blowing 32 points. So we lost by 10. Weep no tears, however, as we are thisclose to getting Arian Foster for, well, for almost nothing. Details later, as we don't want to jinx ourselves.