Fantasy Football: Hell to pay...

This is our first foray into the ever popular (and ever populated) world of fantasy football. We loved it week one -- absolutely loved it. Now having gotten our ass kicked yesterday, we are pissed. We got smoked to the tune of 92-75. (We still have Dallas Clarke playing for the Colts tonight, but our fate is already sealed.)

And now we know why it's called Fantasy football. None of us will ever get to own a real team. Never have a chance to walk into the locker room and have millionaires call us Mister.

And we'll never have the chance to be Jerry Jones or The Dan (Daniel Snyder) and be the meddlesome, hands on owner who thinks he knows more than anyone about personnel decisions.

But we own our fantasy team. And yesterday we got violated, pistol whipped, taken behind the woodshed and bent over. Pick whatever description you like. To quote Jim Mora, Sr., "We SUCKED!"

And today, several of our players will have to pay for us sucking so badly yesterday.

Our receivers are abysmal. Larry Fitz was solid, catching a touchdown. But he netted us only 9 points. He was our second round pick. He should have 9 points by halftime. Eddie Royal earned us 2 points. Say it: two frigging points. Our wavier wire acquisition that we bragged about last week, Robert Meachem?!? He, too, earned us a whopping 2 points. The aforementioned Dallas Clarke was mediocre last week (7 points) and probably will be again tonight. (Meanwhile, our reserve tight end, Brent Celek, scored a touchdown last week and yesterday he cracked the 100 yard mark, which would have given us 10 points.)

Our receivers (with Clarke still having to play tonight) worked together to score 11 points. Conversely, the team we faced yesterday had their receivers (Steve Smith of the Panthers, Andre Johnson, Marques Colston and Owen Daniels) land 73 points.

So the owner is heading into the locker room today to drop the anvil. Meachem? Gone. Back to the waiver wire. Enjoy unemployment. Antonio Bryant could be joining him. Royal? Say hello to the bench, because that's where you'll be this week. And unless Clarke does something (anything) tonight, he, too, will be scrubbed next Sunday in place of Celek.

If we owned a real team, it would be Perform or You Get Cut. And that's how we're running our fantasy team.